musings.

2011-08-08T23:57:00.001+08:00

Most of the questions in life, they have no answers.

2011-07-27T08:20:00.002+08:00

5 days in, 2 days out. And it just keeps repeating. Sometimes it does seem abit boring.. I suppose. Then again.. Isn't work life like that? Can't wait to get out of here. As I see my friends all going to uni.. And those who are disrupting cause of PSC. Sigh, can't wait to go uni.

2011-06-14T23:22:00.002+08:00

We learn most about ourselves, when the going gets tough.

We learn most about others, when there's conflict/tension between.

Because your brain goes into overdrive thinking how to handle all this. Its a survival instinct. For the better. Precisely because life isn't a bed of roses, and all is not well.

Celebrate the hardships. Celebrate the controversies. Remember the lessons learnt. About you. And understand others better.

2011-06-12T18:39:00.002+08:00

'Writing is my carthasis'. Thats my new hit-phrase!

Anyway, its another end of course reflection. Although much less, since most of my previous flowed during my 24km march. Whereas this time it felt less like an end of a course, and partly for the 28km the terrain was such that I had to constantly watch my step, and my brain probably shut down halfway from being so tired.

This 8 weeks were definitely faster than BMT, and more meaningful. What they said was right though. The life here is better, in many sense, compared to BMT. And I enjoyed my time with my bunkmates, who were an interesting bunch and I wouldn't ask for any others. Looking back, I think coming here gave me a new chance to experience things never done before, moving away from my comfort zone and finally, expanding my comfort zone. While outfield is never fun, I can at least I can cope with the environment better. Somehow I don't feel that bad over not getting to band. But the next 1.5 years... different thing maybe.

For the past 8 weeks, I suppose I have gotten stronger, both physically and mentally. I finally hit 10 pullups, something I thought I'd never achieve in my entire life. Cardio is better. Mentally, I've learnt to summon the mental strength needed to accomplish tasks. After all, NS is more mental than physical, as I've probably mentioned.

What did dominate this march was the anger I felt though. How they cheated us of the distance, how they cheated us of the rest time. When you're so tired, you become very irrational and somehow all that anger just floats up. The question I kept thinking was, "Is this the kind of leaders they're training us to be? To lie and cheat our men? All the time talking abt what makes a leader, when this was obviously not what is preached?".

On second thought, perhaps we can't fully blame them. Yes, inevitably we will use such methods in the future, and whether you're proud of it or not is a separate factor. Because undoubtedly, it served as a motivation (when it first worked). To think about your 30 mins rest. We would give them the benefit of the doubt, and grudgingly trudge on.

This last 8 weeks also gave another insight to leadership. We often (at least for me) assume the quality of the instructions with the person giving it. I.e., if we dislike the person's leadership style, we assume his instructions are also similarly flawed and therefore not beneficial to us. And vice versa. A logical fallacy, poisoning the well (is the correct term?). While on some level the person giving it has the discretion to think through and improve on it, often they can only relay messages. There's very little that they can do to change instructions when it comes from the top. But we often blame them and not the actual source. There's of course the danger that they use the excuse "I've asked and nothing happened".

This tells us something. The respect that a person commands can improve his job so much more, because the people have an innate trust of his words. Whether the instructions it self make sense is secondary. A leaders job is to move people, and the person has precisely done that. There's actually a second point, but I've forgotten what it was.

Leadership is alot about what you do when no one's looking. Like pushing for what the people want even when you can just tell them "I did it but it was rejected". One consideration is whether what the people ask is logical to the cause. But nevertheless, even if you can lie to them, can you lie to yourself. Or can you accept that you've done but let it slide by.

Honestly, I don't think the SAF is a good place to develop leadership. Maybe I'm naive in thinking that the other places will be different. But the most pertinent point is that because you have people from all walks of life, you're exposed to alot. With 'cheatcodes' springing about, its easy to succumb to these 'cheatcodes' knowing that nothing will happen to you, save perhaps a few pushups which mean nothing to a soldier. Furthermore, 'cheatcodes' are so pervasive because men are conscripted against their will, so there is more impetus for them to test the system so that they can reap maximum 'show' with minimum effort. Well I suppose other organisations will face such situations, cause many people work for the sake of working and not because they love the job. Especially in an office environment. So to deal with such 'underhand' methods, i suppose we can only fight fire with fire.

2011-05-30T07:10:00.002+08:00

So many things to tell her
But how to make her see
The truth about my past? Impossible!
She'd turn away from me

Lion king fever in bunk.

I haven't rly posted lyrics in quite sometime.. but this songs lyrics are nice, and kind of speak to me.

最近一直很好心情　不知道什么原因
我现在这一种心情　我想要唱给你听

看着窗外的小星星　心里想着我的秘密
算不算爱我不太确定　我只知道我在想你

我们之间的距离好像忽远又忽近
你明明不在我身边我却觉得很亲
Ha~ 有一种感觉我想说明
我心里的秘密　是你给的甜蜜

我们之间的距离好像一点点靠近
是不是你对我也有一种特殊感情
Ha~ 我犹豫要不要告诉你
我心里的秘密　是我好像喜欢了你

夜里陪着我的声音　就算沙了也动听
这一种累了的声音　是最温柔的证明
(你是我　你是我的秘密)
(我一直偷偷想着你)
(你是我心里的秘密)

我们之间的距离好像忽远又忽近
你明明不在我身边我却觉得很亲
Ha~ 有一种感觉我想说明
我心里的秘密　是你给的甜蜜

我们之间的距离好像一点点靠近
是不是你对我也有一种特殊感情
Ha~ 我犹豫要不要告诉你
我心里的秘密　是我好像喜欢了你

这模糊的关系　是莫明的美丽

我们之间的距离好像忽远又忽近
你明明不在我身边我却觉得很亲
Ha~ 这一刻我真的想说明
我心里的秘密　是你给的甜蜜

我们之间的距离每天一点点靠近
这是种别人无法理解的特殊感情
Ha~ 我要让全世界都清晰
我心里的秘密　是我会一直深爱着你　深爱着你

2011-05-08T19:47:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm finally getting used to it, book-in blues are coming later in the day on book-in.

I somehow feel I can chiong through this week, but maybe my mood will change when I actually go through training. But I'm not invincible.

Let me have the strength and courage to carry on for this week.

2011-04-21T22:23:00.002+08:00

There's this sudden peak in my musings. but nevertheless I must write. Many thoughts have floated across lately.

It seems to be back to the same old days again. Waking up early, running around, sweating in what would usually be my PJs. Having the push myself daily, sometimes to points I don't want to. Days where it feels like I'm going through the motion.

Its slightly different though. SCS is actually a place where people mostly want to be there, or want to aim even higher. If they said enhanced leadership batch was a bunch of highly motivated individuals, its even more here. Ok there are your general chaokeng people, but there, the general populous seems more enthusiastic.

As I look at my training, I wonder if it is truly for me. Would I regret my choice of putting 'yes'? Leadership in the army doesn't seem to appeal to me. People might say that command school/army is good for experience, to experience things that one would never get to as a civilian. But things like, shooting, loud sounds, running around, sleeping and getting wet and muddy? There are some experiences I could do without. In fact, looking back at BMT, I didn't really enjoy the sessions that were army related. Urban operations, field camp, I look back at them with distaste. Ok maybe not distaste, but they weren't really.. fun?

I've already lost of my thoughts from tuesday. It would suffice to say that they were negative feelings, constantly questioning my reason for being in SCS. Some of that negativity seems to be dispelled (wrong usage). The first few days were very much spent keeping to myself when there was nothing to do.

I suppose there are still things to learn from NS. If only there was another platform to do so, without all this rubbish. Like out door sports.

Sigh.. Mixed feelings. I hope I wouldn't regret the day I put yes. I wonder what made me write 'yes' that day.

2011-04-16T23:24:00.002+08:00

Kainotophobia. The fear of change. Apparently.

Something real, definitely. For most of us, the fear of the unknown, the new seems to gripe us. We grumble, complain and lament over why it must happen. Why, when we've finally settled down, when the seat is just barely warm, that things change and we have a new seat to warm. But after everything is over, which it will be, everything's alright. We'll tell people that are about to go through it, "it'll be fine, don't worry". You know they won't listen, because back then, neither did you. Life's like that. Lament. Go through. Come out. Lament at new thing.

I think it's time to let go of my past. I've been going back ever so often, but each time it just feels more distant. The place feels different. I no longer understand the jokes flying around, the jibes. Any laughter seems forced. It's time to move on I suppose. Stop clinging on to the past, look towards the future. The memories I had were good, but they were but memories. Memories to look back when I'm down, memories to miss. But memories nevertheless. Living in the mirror of the past does not help cope with the ever changing future.

It's time to move on. Move forward. Embrace change, whether good or bad.

2011-04-12T22:17:00.002+08:00

Wow. An update. After 4 and a half months. The only reason worth writing is because of NS, other than that my life's been pretty boring.

I suppose NS is really an experience above all. As it.. promises? It's really a ritual from boys to men. More so for JC students I believe, given our relatively sheltered lives in an institute. We think we might have seen alot, but there are communities out there we've never reached before, things we've never gone through. I've learnt quite alot from being in NS, mostly positive. I try to forget the negative things. Within 9 weeks, I've learnt quite alot about myself, people and life in general. Maybe it isn't deep enough, but for 9 weeks, its good.

2LT Khairul: "Its ok to make a mistake once, but the second time you make it, its a crime. Whats the third time called? Sorry, there is no such thing as a third mistake."

Somehow that seemed to be the only quote I remember from Sir. Not that he talked much, other than his "Do you all have any questions" starter he always uses. Nevertheless, I think it's very useful advice. For much of our school life, we're allowed to make mistakes again and again, because we know our tutors will explain to us, or there just aren't any repercussions to committing it again. I'm referring to the light offences, of course. But out in the world, it is an unforgiving place, more so exemplified in the military. When you make a mistake, it not only affects you, but the people around you. A valuable lesson. And in life, making the same mistake twice could be disastrous for you. No boss would tolerate a person making the same mistake twice, no matter how 'unforgiving' it may sound. Army has taught me that life has a steep learning curve, so you better suck it up (yet another lesson learnt) and learn fast.

The rest of my commanders didn't say much, most of their encouragement came through the actions I suppose. Maybe I only remember Sir's words cause most of the time we saw him he was talking. Pity we didn't interact more, he seemed interesting.

Through the commanders (all of them) and NS, I've also learnt that the mind is indeed a powerful thing. That giving up is never a physical state, its always a mental state. Your body never gives up, its your mind that chooses to give up. You always have the choice to just stop, at any point, to just say "I give up". Its how far you carry yourself, its mental. Thats why I answer my friends, "Its both physically and mentally tiring. More so mentally" when they ask me how's NS. The body is ultimately limited by the mind (thats how hypnotism works). It really takes alot of mind to push the body. Through out this period, I've seen how my mind can push my body to limits never before seen.

It became most apparent during my 24km route march. Which I felt more than anything, was the defining moment of BMT. Strange for it to come in the last day, but it did. Because it somehow put everything we've learnt in BMT together (minus the discipline). This 24km reminded us about the sense of camaraderie instilled, taking the plunge, the willpower needed to carry on when things are tough, and finally to suck it up. And of course, the satisfaction gained from pulling through. At the end of the march, I was amazed I pull through. Ever since the 8th km, my feet had developed such sores that every step was a fresh jolt of pain. If I ever thought cycling down the ECP-Changi park connector was hell, I was merely inexperienced. The 30 mins (tops) spent cycling was nothing to the 2 hour walk down with the 20kg field pack. But through my friends encouragement, and constantly forcing myself to drag on, step by step, I managed to clear all 24km without falling out. Of that, I was proud. Though by those two things, they probably weren't enough. The fact that falling out was such a stupid option was the actual impetus for me to continue. Because I HAVE to reach to end, therefore I have to keep doing it. There just isn't any other way.

The camaraderie manifested itself in another way though. I saw the many people who tried to avoid falling sick, or praying they would recover by Friday night. Despite its obvious physical challenges, many wanted to march this 24km of hell. I believe it was because of our bonds as a team. You wanted to complete this with your team. I saw the faces of those who were forced to go home. They didn't seem too happy.

See all your lessons in one event. Ok not ALL, but what was stated.

Quote from toilet (they paste quite a few): It's the 'Start' that 'Stops' people the most.

Moving on, about people and personality. It's when times are tough that we see a person's true personality. When his energy to create a facade gone, and he only has energy left to protect himself. I refer you all to this article written by my fellow platoon mate. And to summarise it, since most of my readers are girls and may not understand what it means, I think the one line inside encompasses the meaning quite well.

"We will remember field camp, because we saw the scum in each of us on day one, and the brothers we became on day five."

Indeed, the scum we were. Through NS, most poignantly during the five days of field camp, we saw how we and other people reacted to situations thrown at us when least expected, when we were down in the dumps, and we were physically and mentally drained. Most importantly, the difference in reaction between the energetic self and the tired self. Personally, I was quite disappointed with how I acted. It led me to question, "So this is what I actually do, deep deep down. Are my values right? Have I been mistaken about what I stand for?". While some may argue that our processes are down when we are tired (which is valid point), I argue, is there not a need to change ourselves accordingly? Do we not respect someone who is true to himself even when in tight corners, even when pushed to the limits?

I certainly hoped I've worked to changed myself in such situations. To be more aware and caring of those around me even when I'm done. Because the world doesn't revolve around you. And if anything, when people are down they need someone who is alive to push them. I'm not saying I'm great, but I think it would be good if I could muster the energy and courage even in tough times to continue pushing my team.

More things about myself, but they seem hard to word out. But generally, NS has been a good time for me to learn about my values, and definitely a good chance for me to rectify my flaws.

Which somehow brings me yet to another article written by my platoon mate, this time about character and leadership. While I agree that NS is a 'pocket universe', there are nevertheless things that can be brought. For the largest part, I disagree about the last two to three paragraphs.

Many reasons, the first being that such malleability is needed, because different context requires different styles of leadership. Why a weak person is written off, is because the military demands people who are both physically and mentally able. To shorten a quote from CPT Michael, there is no point in an army leader if he cannot do any one of the things a soldier is suppose to do. Otherwise, he would be useless. So do not blame them for writing the person off, because it's true that some people just do not have the qualities for being a military leader. There's nothing wrong with that, just move on. People have different roles in life.

Secondly, the fact is that life is harsh, and what you do under the radar does not count. Even if you are the smartest person in the world, if you don't show it, you are not.

Thirdly, whilst it is true that after NS it is a relatively level playing field, there are somethings that have changed. Because as mentioned before, NS does teach you life lessons that are useful. Having gone through a command course and a command post teaches a person valuable lessons in handling adversity and pushing one selves in times. For JC students who have only mingled in our kind, we do not understand the lives of others, simply because we have no life experience. Don't think too highly of ourselves. High IQ but no EQ and AQ means you're just as, if not even more useless. Yes that's it, experience. I believe that NS can give you the experience needed to live on in life. The different PES status aside, I think it would be interesting to see how many successful leaders in Singapore were commanders back in NS, assuming they were physically eligible then. Respect isn't the badges, but it can be gained when others see how you can overcome adversity easily while pulling other people along with you. The person who is 'blur', who's not to say that he won't be as blur when he's handling your documents or an important task? Would you want this kind of person, who can even misplace his own boots, and cannot understand the meaning of punctuality?

Therefore, to say that NS is completely irrelevant to our lives is false. What we learn in NS can be brought to real life. Perhaps it is just my naive view, but I still feel strongly. I want a leader who has the mental strength to handle adversity under various pressures. Even when he is tired, he must still push on. Why? A leader is the main pillar of an organisation. If he falls one cm, the rest will fall all the way.

Having said so much (probably my longest post ever, too lazy to check, but I did take an hour plus to right this), I might seem like I'm selling NS. Well, yes, but I'm not saying I love it. I really miss my civilian life. I highly doubt a military life is for me. I need my own comfy clean bed and shower. I shy away from shouting at people.

A few days ago, my classmate (a girl) asked me. Do you want to serve NS again? The NSFs in my class gave mixed responses. The thing for me is that army is both relevant and irrelevant. I've probably explained the relevant in great detail. The irrelevancy comes in in its attempt to train soldiers, train people patriotic and willing to die for the country.

Sometimes its trainings are questionable and don't seem to fully prepare for the context of a real war. The drills they make us do. In real war, if an enemy was really in front of me, would I bother to go through all the drills, or just go straight for the kill to defend myself? Maybe it's really just the basic that we're going through.

And the point on patriotism. Patriotism, in this day and age, is harder and harder to come by. Even some commanders agree it is lofty ambition. They never tell us to defend our country, it's always our loved ones. Whenever they give us a questionnaire asking "Are you willing to risk your life for your country", I have no choice but to put neutral. Our family is one thing, but our country is a much bigger issue. As 18-20 year olds, just how willing would we be to risk our lives for our country? Admit it. Ultimately, we are selfish creatures, its just how big our "self" is. Even as our commanders lecture us about this, I wonder how much do they actually believe it in. I'll know in 2 years. But there's reason to believe that they are just going through the motion, seeing how many are eager to get out of NS. It's alot to ask out of a person, who has no career, no family depending on him, still immature, to take up the task of defending the country.

To go through NS for its life lessons, yes. That might change a few years down, but this is my answer for now. To defend my nation? For now that isn't really my concern. Forgive me, I'm merely 18. I've yet to experience any major death or tragedy, there are things that only come with woeful experiences, it's all part of growing up. We can't always gain lessons from listening to others, sometimes they just don't sink.

Complete Incoherence

2010-12-31T00:51:00.005+08:00

So a year ends. Suppose this year was rather.. eventful, at least for the first half. Now I've actually reached the point where academics won't play such a dominant part of my life.... at least for now.

Over the past year, I've suppose I've learnt about about myself, and how others see me. About my weakness... maybe not so much my strengths. My skepticism still holds such that I don't see that many strengths in myself. Not much of a true idea what I'm good at. Somethings perhaps can only be perceived by others. But I'm reminded of something my friend once said (in a completely different context though). "Strengths are relative". So what exactly is true "strength"? I don't suppose its any use asking other people, "Eh what I am good at?". I find it hard to accept that somebody's answer might not be a PC answer and it's something true from the heart. Ah well.

Skepticism towards any praise.... is it good or bad? I've always had the notion, and I know that about myself, that when I received praise, I tend to become complacent. Yet sometimes without encouragement one does falter, ever so slightly. Sigh humans are contradictory creatures.

And as with all relationships over time, some have changed. Some for the better, some for the good. It seemed naive to think, on retrospect, that some relationships would only improve. I'll take blame for some of them, that its my own silly fault that they faded. Whereas some... I suppose after awhile, you realise whats holding this friendship is not exactly one that's strong.That could just my problem again, not trying to find something to keep it going.

Or to look at another perspective, is friendship only manifested when there are active actions? Or does it lie more in the passive actions? Like the ability to sit next to someone and not bothering about the awkward silence. It's time to look deeper. For all I know, my best friends are the ones who never talk to me. But call me shallow and simple-minded, I'm not one to read people. In this aspect, I'm quite stupid.

There seems to be alot on my mind, yet I can't phrase them coherently, mostly cause they're contradictory. As seen above, its not very coherent. I can't really understand what I'm writing. It's hardly pensieve, which was what I was aiming for.

Tomorrow, my ezlink card goes from two beeps to one beep. Maybe its LTA telling us to grow up, move on, and start earning our own money.

The new year holds many wonders... starting from how I look like with no hair.

2010-12-17T20:31:00.002+08:00

yesyes surprisesurprise i have a new skin. I thought maybe it was time to discard that dark website that made my posts seems even more emotional than they were. Just a nice, simple, white, blogger given template. No frills. I can't even be bothered to add in the web links of others cause I simply don't blog hop anymore.

Anyway as I was clearing my cupboards and drawers, I realise it seems to be a good way to realise how one.. has changed? Or how forgetful I am. As I look at all the stuff that I have stored (like chinese notes from sec4), the first thing that comes to mind is "what the hell was I thinking?" Seems like theres so much to clear, yet none of them was used when i did my supposed 'large-scale' cleaning, probably at sec 3. I look at some of the things that have zero purpose at all. And I wonder what motivated me to keep them in the first place 3 years ago.

Some go to show how our priorities or interests have changed over the years. I remember keeping a liquid paper cartridge collection. You know, those refills? When I cleared them out a few years back, I had no real idea why I even kept it in the first place. Seemed completely pointless.

Some just showed how.. perhaps pointless the memories were? Don't blame me for being not-sentimental. Just somehow looking at my past doodlings.. well they were amusing to look at, but they ended up in the recycle bin all the same. Didn't seem to evoke much.

And some.. Just plain dumb I suppose. Like completely useless wires (USB port got smashed in just by being in a drawer and i just.... relocated it to another drawer during minor cleanings) and wires for things that now I don't what they are for. I have 3 nokia headphones, yet only one works with the phone I have now. And my spoilt ipod. And my first mp3, which is also spoilt. Why did I keep them?

Life explored in a cleaning :O

2010-11-22T23:53:00.002+08:00

Hmm facebook cant seem to be accessed on my phone, yet there was a sudden urge to pen this down.

Why is that when lying in bed at night, theres this sudden surge of emotion and though. Maybe its rational, irrational, emotional or not, but somehow it just suddenly floats to mind, and theres an urge to pen it down. Because when you wake up in the morning it just seems to disappea, or the emotions that trigger it seem to have gone
its something about the bed that seems to... Bring about thoughts that anywhere else cannot. Then in the morning when you think about it again you wonder if its a rationale course of action. Hopefully it is, hopefully it isnt.

I just seem to be hopeless when it comes to managing such delicate issues. Sigh. And to the few pple who always faithfully follow this space and ask me, im ok. Its just a sudden outpour of emotions at night haha. Esp my friend, the rabbit :P I'm really fine. thought i dun think you'll get to see it in time haha.

2010-11-08T22:39:00.002+08:00

Today marks the last of my 100 day waiting ordeal. Tomorrow marks the end of the beginning. Then maybe everything and everything will finally be over.

2010-10-23T00:58:00.004+08:00

Hmm... I suppose today had some of closure I suppose. Like after 6 years, maybe it does seem like an end? Having our first and last class outing at the same place... perhaps its some sign. Eating the same ice cream too. And for a long time it finally felt like maybe we're a class. So at least I'll leave this school with... some hope. At this point i'll actually fault myself for not having done my part at the last moment. But it was rather heartwarming how people went for the last supper. No first, but lets ignore that. Maybe I really had expected too little of other people. Just goes to tell me that you can never assume you know a person. Or maybe it's just me. I'm not one to be able to read a person like a book, though that would indeed be a useful skill.

I wanted to name the album title "at least I've one memory of you". But I suppose that sounded abit too harsh.

I realised only at most 3 pple read this blog HAHA

2010-09-30T00:10:00.002+08:00

Is "I have no mood today, don't want to do" ever a valid reason for someone to reject doing something? In the bigger scheme of things, do we really ever have a (legit) choice? Maybe I'm being really old school over here, but if moodswings were what dictated people's actions, things would never really get down. A sudden rush of emotion, and the world stops? We were unlikely to have reached here if everything was based on moodswings. Of course, I'm one to speak, but nevertheless, its still not a way out. I'm not saying I agree with some of my actions.

There's no point in wishing that something won't happen, especially if its not something you have a choice in, unless you, touchwood, die. No point fretting about it, just head forward. It's better that way anyway.

And if people ever scold you, as much as illogical it may seem to you, perhaps one should look within first. Our batch isn't the best batch, so deal with it, and move on. Only when you've really found no fault within yourself, then look outwards.

A bunch of total ramblings.

2010-09-23T22:25:00.000+08:00

If a man enunciates such thoughts, its only because he thinks such thoughts.

If he thinks everyone is a hypocrite, that's because he is too.

2010-08-01T09:27:00.002+08:00

100 days to the final battle. 117 days to my ultimate freedom. (yes I end like, 10 days before the bio people). Time to focus focus focus and drop all distraction. Move full force ahead. I wonder if i can last though. But regardless of whether I can I have to. Because for the least, my 4 years of uni life and possibly the first 6 years of employment very possibly hangs on this. Even though for jobs, acads don't really matter, its after all your character. Bah.

And for the next 117 days, i'll not think or talk about it. Because whether its yes or no, it'll be a distraction. I cannot risk 4 years of my future for something that probably wont turn out well for me.

2010-06-21T00:44:00.002+08:00

The screen and the internet does seem to have a way of influence communication. When you're so familiar with someone behind the screen, the fear arises if such rapport will continue face to face. And that the screen is so capable of hiding emotions, sometimes you wonder what the other side is actually feeling. Which isn't the most beneficial for building friendship. How real is a bond established behind a screen? How do we move past this barrier and continue this rapport face to face?

__________________________________________________________________

Yknow, when you're a kid, you often wonder about what superpowers you would like to have. Kids often say, "to fly!" or "superhuman strength" or keblahkeblah as most of your Marvel heros would have. The pervy ones would say "invisibility", but thats leave them to it. As we mature we rarely indulge in such fantasies, either because we've matured, maybe we lost that innocent, creative, kiddish side of ours or maybe we realise that none of these superpowers are actually very useful.

But what kind of superpower would you have? Maybe people now might tell, "ohoh stock market prediction". Perhaps the most useful one nowadays, is mind reading. Hurhur.

2010-06-14T00:12:00.001+08:00

杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯杯

2010-06-02T20:43:00.002+08:00

I think when we ask questions, its extremely reflective of the experience that we've gone through. Which may or may not be unique to us. And when we hear replies, how we judged them is also based on our prior experiences.

Then we hear the answers, we snigger at some of them.

But maybe, you know, its just unique to us. Maybe they won't face the same problems. Maybe they don't view things the way we do. Sometimes, who are we to say that just because they adopt a certain ideal they may not be who we want? Ok they aren't who WE want, but its wrong to say that its not what CAN be done.

Maybe it's something wrong with us after all.

2010-05-27T22:44:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when you see other people on the bus, you'd notice that the default expression, is never a smile. While people might think you're crazy/nuts to be smiling to yourself, I find it rather sad that maybe people don't really smile as much. You'd notice their sagging cheeks, or at least the line that extends from the tip of the lips is tending towards a frown.

I think I've forgotten how to smile properly. Or maybe taking a photo is just unnatural for me. I don't really equate laughter with smiling, since somehow the two expressions seem to bring about different feels. Smiling.. is something more subtle, and perhaps subtlety is something I'm incapable of.

2010-05-17T23:56:00.002+08:00

I suppose as I saw them perform, I felt... regret. That my last concert is coming along, and well... I didnt work to achieve what I believed my last concert should be like. I didn't contribute much, so I should just shut up. I'll set an example, as I should, and give my best for the concert. Because life ain't always what you want, but complaining about it won't do anything to fix the problem.

When they sang during Perseus, I was reminded of our Hymn in the exact same place. This feeling of nostalgia.

Its coming to an end, this journey. I suppose as I look back at my past 6 years, there were so many things that I should have changed. To make it better. But I supposed I haven't really learnt my lesson after so many years, and seem bound to make the mistakes again. But perhaps that the beauty in these memories. Cause despite the flaws, I still have the memories of my days in band. When I look at them, I'm filled with envy, because these are days... that have passed. And are about to pass. 好事只能回味. After June 4th, it'll be really over.

Can't really say that in the first 4 years I seem to appreciate band much. Can't imagine why I didn't even go for a single band chalet. Ah well the past is the past. There's more meaning in appreciating the present. The future.. sigh.

Maybe Tian Hui's right, in August maybe these feelings will die down and I may not feel so much. But right now I do feel. At least as much as my limited emotional range allows me to. I can't picture myself crying, but the tugging on my heartstrings brings about sadness.

But maybe I shouldn't be sad. They say, "Cry not cause its over, smile because it happened." Given my lackluster skills and the improving music scene in Singapore, maybe I will never get a chance to play in a band again. But I suppose its good to look back and say, "At least I was part of a group I loved."

一个六年的旅程终于结束了。六年，对一个成人来说，一眨眼就过了。但以我们而言，六年，是我们人生的一大部分。但时间是不会停留的。人生的道路还是得走。生活不在于一直怀念着往事，而是在于勇往直前，面对人生的种种挑战。记忆、历史无法改变，但未来就掌控在我们的手里。

_____________________________________________________________

Emotions I wanted to avoid, seem to be coming back to me again. But now is really not the time. And..... there's probably nothing coming back.

2010-05-14T22:40:00.002+08:00

I've come to understand that, to err is human. And sometimes things don't really go the way you had hoped them to. But I think I'll accept what happens as what it is, because its not even my problem. I'm just being spastic and nonsensical. Just let them be. Because its none of my business.

2010-05-11T20:51:00.002+08:00

When you're so lost. Hit by a wave of worry. Awashed with a flurry of things. That you don't want them to matter, but they still do. By how unprepared you are to face the future (whether or not its your fault that you are unprepared). By how uncontrollable the future seems to be. How do we proceed? Perhaps I'm just a person who doesnt like the future. Someone who wants to be in control, or at least know its going to happen, for sure.

Sometimes, it just seems better to switch to something you can control. To regain back abit of sanity. To regain back the feeling of being in control. But what do we learn from doing things we already know?

Sigh.

I had a horrible dream. Not something horrifyingly sad, but it was horrible taken from a context of a student. You might say I'm immature for worrying about such things, for its only a brief part of my life. But I'm a student, and thats my job. Perhaps it won't matter much in the future. When I retrospect I'll probably find my current worries so insignificant. I hope it doesn't come true, but how would I actually feel? As much as people will say, 'ah others have done worse', I don't think, at that point in time, I could settle for such an answer. Years of ... social expectations have led me to believe that if that happens to me, I might as well be a hobo.

I can't see my next step past leaving school. I'm.. just a kid.

Sometimes I feel like an asshole, and maybe that's just my inherent nature. I ain't as nice some people see me as, because they only see the nice side of me. I feel like an asshole for the way I've changed in treating people, through no fault of theirs. Perhaps I'm just a selfish, desperate, jealous person.

2010-05-02T02:06:00.002+08:00

For the first time in so long, I'm feeling the rush of high. A high so great, that I can't sleep, even if its 2 am.

How I wish we could live in the moment. Perched on those actually rather painful ropes. But the experience was worth it all. The pain. The worry. All worth it.

There were a series of coincidences, but I'm glad that through the collective effort of everyone, it was good.

It may not last, this fleeting moment. Thats what makes these moments more precious. Because you know in your hard life there were glimmers of such exciting, fun moments. Moments you wish you could immortalize (which in way has been, through technology). That last forever.

I'm glad my last was memorable. There's little to ruin it, and I can leave with a slightly more appeased mind.

2010-04-27T22:31:00.001+08:00

I can't rant.

Because there isn't anyone to do so.

Because I don't know whats weighing my heart down.

So I can't rant.

2010-04-24T00:13:00.003+08:00

We ridicule at a man's logic, for its obvious irrelevance to us. For how it doesn't seem to make sense to us. But who's to say, when you're standing where he is, that you wont do the same? When you're at his position, maybe you'll understand his view. And understand why, even if it might still be illogical.

If we assume a man has to be perfect before he starts attacking us, therein lies two flaws:

1) Nobody will be attacking anybody as one looks back at his own mistakes and shuts up, and no problems could be solved.

2) That the moment he starts attacking us, he is either flawed, or due to our human defensive mechanism, perceive him as flawed, and therefore unfit to attack us.

Who judges how perfect a person is anyway? It once again boils down to perception.

Perception seems to be a running thread in all my posts.

I sit and wonder

2010-04-01T19:06:00.003+08:00

Sigh. Sometimes... its them who step on you. Even if inadvertently, even if their reasons, they still do. Can't really fault them, but sometimes I feel like I'm fighting for a group of people who longer want to/see any point in caring. But sometimes they get so.. encouraging. That makes me want to slap them, roll my eyes and shout at them. But there's no point in doing that. I can't argue anyway. They're just as they are, I don't think I could ever do anything to convince them to hang on. There's no incentive for them to do so. Yet I don't want to fight with them, because it doesn't help me, and they're still my friends.. whom I treasure. I don't really expect them to ever know how I feel. The ones that are in concern don't read this space. And even if they do, I doubt they would care.

But its so much harder to try.

Maybe I really care too much for my own good. Maybe I'm too feminine in some aspects. I'll have to admit that some of my interests are... not very masculine. Girls say its a good sign, but I hardly see any benefit, looking from where I am. God, I can't believe I'm saying this. One day I should just say "Ah fuck this. I'm past caring for this hellhole".

Maybe I'm just an opinion-less man. Compared to them sometimes I hardly ever see a point in stating in my opinion. I'm always the one taking other people's suggestions. By my own admission I suppose I'm not a very creative person. I'm good for menial labour, thats about it. But will so many opinions make decision-making process any easier? I'm sure they have compromises on their part too. I can't really force them to do something. Personally I wouldn't like it if someone forced me.

What a legacy I'm leaving behind.

_____________________________________________________

On a separate note, here's some food for thought.

Who's more ignorant, the country man who doesn't know about the city, or the city man who doesn't know about the country?

I suppose its an interesting look depending on your perspective. Depends on what you want. A country man may lack the technology needed to make his life better. The ability to explore one's interest, assuming that you lead a comfortable life in the city, is something of a draw for one, no doubt. Everyone seeks to have some level of self-fulfillment, to know that one has achieved something.

But sometimes as we're caught up with the hectic life in the city, do we lose the enjoyment derived from the simplest things in life? Just... rushing around in this paper chase society. Grades. Money. I attended the NUS talk that day, and one of their focus seemed to be on "developing their students to be able to adapt well to the ever-changing global economy". This is what I sussed out, if NUS sees this please don't sue me. But the focus on education for the means of a skilled labour force seems rather... I don't know. Seems to reflect the very realistic reasons for which education was tailored for. I suppose its very in an Asian ideal, to work for the greater good. In its essences its both.. good and bad. Sometime's I'm in a dilemma as to what I really want. Perhaps my perception changes as I look from both the point of the government and the point of the people.

_____________________________________________________

Oh I somehow can't think of anything happy to say.

_____________________________________________________

Can't believe that Ris Low is now a DJ, I'm sure the DJs that are working with her now are flabbergasted, not that I listen to radio that much. But I saw the video, and boy what a horror. Her vocabulary and phonetics are rather limited. Ok I'll have to admit "idiosyncrasy"s meaning that can't really be inferred by whatever root what its from. (what is the root word anyway). And not a word that most people would use in everyday language. (I've only used it once and since it was written there was more time to think). Perhaps I shouldn't pick on that. But being late for 2 hours with a lame excuse to boot, that should be something to pick on. Her pronunciation represents an average Singaporean (I'm not exception at times), but I think having been in public limelight for so long perhaps she should fix her enunciations.

Perhaps I'm just being overly pedantic and overlooking a lot of mistakes that I make personally. But it does irk me sometimes when I actually do notice. There's no such word as "irregardless" by the way. (wow that passed spellcheck) My grammer is horrible though, does my stronger vocabulary compensate for that?

Reality comes crashing down

2010-02-28T10:06:00.003+08:00

Its very discouraging, when people choose to continue to be part of the problem, than to choose to be part of the solution. Even if the solution is meagre one that might not be the most effective. Some solutions require people stepping out of the comfort zone, but maybe it'll seem to fake. There doesn't seem to be many who understand my pains and maybe just try to... participate in the solution? Or maybe I'm just not communicating enough. Or perhaps its ultimately a lost cause. Back to the same question, what would they do if they were in my position?

Sometimes I want to just absolve myself of the responsibility. Sometimes I want to just leave early with a lame excuse so I no longer see the sorry mess. But I can't.

When people are adept are hiding their emotions, its makes dealing with people so much more complicated and difficult.

It is with a heavy heart that life goes on.

2010-02-20T00:05:00.004+08:00

It's no point if you tell me thats a problem that cant be fixed because things have progressed to this stage that nothing can fix it.

Sometimes I would like to see what they would do when they're in my position. Would they really do as they say, or really work hard to find a solution. Will they leave it as such?

Its very discouraging when people don't like something. Even when you try. I admire you for being blatant, and I don't say anything about it. But maybe its sometimes better you compromise yourself to fit others. People say you lose individual character when you do that. You're not yourself. Perhaps I'm too conformist for my own sake. Insistence may not always be the solution.

Or perhaps, I'm just essentially a follower, not a leader. A man without his own opinions, or a man who doesn't want to raise his own, when there are so many flying about.

~~Or perhaps I just don't understand others. I cannot understand guys for their outright candidness. I cannot understand girls for how well they can hide their feelings~~

I hate western medicine for how it makes me completely stoned.

Is ignorance bliss? I think its more torturous that you only know abit of something. Yet the full story can also kill. Perhaps ignorance is bliss. But it makes your job hard if you don't know.. whats happening.

Theres no "how to" for these. Perhaps I'll never figure it out myself. Because theres no answer.

Singapore TV

2010-02-14T22:50:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I feel Singapore TV is so pathetic. Some of its trademark characters are in drag. And lately there seems to be a even high appearance of characters in drag. As in Jack Neo, Moses Lim and Henry Thia from ages ago weren't enough, now theres the oh-so-famous Auntie Lucy. And now Bryan Wong and Adrian Pang in drag.

And they must present these characters in drag at events that might have an international viewership. Is that the best that Singapore TV can afford, male in female clothing? Is that our Singapore culture, men in drag?

Sigh.

Nostalgia

2010-02-13T22:53:00.002+08:00

Being bored and all, I decided to look through all the photos of me that were tagged. It did feel like a walk down memory lane, even if it was for only a year (90% of the photos of me were taken in 2009). Everything right up from orientation. SYF. Section outings. Class outings (or the lack thereof). Band outings. It seemed like we were more innocent then, though I don't think much has changed. I know my impression of others hasn't changed much, its still remains largely the same. Largely the same feelings. Good, in that those I have healthy relationships haven't deteriorated. Bad, in that those that I view negatively haven't improve. I guess I may be closer to some people, but somehow slightly further from people I was once closer/could have been closer. Even within one year. There are some relationships I wished had moved on, but its probably for the better that it didnt. I wished there was someone to talk about these fun times now, but nobody that fits within that category seems to be online.

Strangely the events I missed most were section outings. Those were fun in their own way, even if I was the only guy. The walking around shopping was boring, I profess. But talking during meals was fun and interesting. I guess pract was made much more interesting with them, though when they are in a bad mood it isn't as fun (guilty of that as I am). Quite happy that things turn out this way. Thank you Pei San Ros Sun Ran! And the seniors too!

Time flies, and relationships change. Some better, some for the worse.

And some.. you can never look at the person in the same way again.

Man is contradictory, manipulating information to suit his need. He can say 90% truth and 10% lies, but the damage done by the 10% lies cannot be covered by the 90% of truth.

Someone told us, "Make do with what you have and make the best out of it." Words that make sense, but does it mean we just plainly accept what we have? Should we not challenge what we feel might be flawed? Even if its for a short time? Is the one who challenges the problem outright less mature? Is the one who grins and bears it more apathetic and spineless? Just when do we decide that enough is enough and some action has to be taken? How do you know what is what, when people with different perspectives view and judge things differently.

The heart is heavy, but time is tight

2010-02-06T23:53:00.002+08:00

For my friends who've shown me concern in the past few days, thanks. Though I think its largely me being unable to handle something thats actually very normal, so maybe I'm just being abit too AA.

The run in the morning helped, and so did that release of emotions that day. I feel better, even the task and data seems less.. daunting? Though I still have many doubts for it. I think I'm getting the terrible feeling everytime I have to do a paper, is that your heart really feels like it has solid weight and its pulling your body down.

But as my father mentioned earlier this year, which I believe is something I should try to live by, at least this year, to pull me through. He said "If its not a life and death matter, make a decision, stick to it, see it through, accept the outcomes for what it is, and move on." I suppose this helped to convince me that since I have to do it, might as well just decide on something, see through it and just wait for the outcomes. Although it is undoubtedly important, in a paper chase society that requires that A to get somewhere, I think theres no point mulling too much over it. In fact given the deadlines, mulling too much over it is pointless, might as well just do it and see what happens. If it turns out to be sucky, too bad, move on. But I just wish google could read my mind and allow me to extract the information I want.

So I made the decision to take CSE since last year despite full knowledge of the coursework. I may have oversimplified it, but I wasn't completely uninformed. So since I have made the decision to take the subject, might as well see it through. In my defense, I do still enjoy the subject. But perhaps its not that in my blood to write papers on tight timelines, or maybe I have tendency to aim too big that perhaps its just not possible within my context. Whether this kills my interest for the subject will be crucial in my grades, since my ability to score is tied with my interest in the subject. Lets just stick to the end of it and see how it goes. If I get a B or C, so be it. I suppose my life has been too smooth sailing.

I've learnt.

2010-02-04T01:03:00.002+08:00

I've learnt that, sometimes there are just some problems that no one can help you with. That perhaps its no point asking people to help, since they can't help you. At times like these, maybe encouragement may not be the most useful thing, especially when you look upon it so despondently, that all encouragement is null. At times like these, what I need is a solution to solve my problems.

And you can't blame anyone, since some problems that you face are just too.. isolated. That no one really knows what you're talking about, and all they can do is to just sit there and listen. Listening helps, I guess, but thats if I talk. But talk is so pointless sometimes. Talking will not give me a solution. Its hard to find the person that understands what you're talking about.

But today, I realised that letting it out somehow helps. The means.. I shall not elaborate, but at least after that I feel better. To continue with the same shit, to think of a few more solutions with a calm mind.

Those who seem may not be what they are. The strong can turn weak in an instant. The tough can break down.

For that I'm so lucky for that screen. Or maybe that screen shouldn't have been there, and everyone can see the true me sometimes.

2010-01-24T22:43:00.002+08:00

I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed in myself.

I've just made matters worse, maybe trying to synthesize the views of two parties just isn't something I can do. Or that I don't have enough experience in. Can't blame anyone in this aspect, I guess. Cause different people have different views.

I've failed in my job. Maybe I'm just not leadership material. But neither can I sit back when something happens to something dear to me. So I'll continue. And try to make it better. Maybe when I look back, then can I judge whether I've failed or not.

我责怪我自己的无能。

2010-01-10T00:00:00.001+08:00

人生，如果到了一个只能羡慕别人而无法欣赏自己所有的地步，其实是蛮悲惨的。

That void we know as hollow

2009-12-26T23:09:00.002+08:00

Holidays have been boring, but I believe that's largely my fault for staying at home and rotting and not choosing to do much. Can't help it, I'm poor here. And unlike most people, my definition of poor is not having at least 50-60 bucks in my smalllittlebox, since I like the feeling of money somewhere around me where I can reach it, and in notes cause coins are too troublesome to count. I probably have 30 bucks more in coins.

Been feeling strangely hollow these few weeks, in almost every sense of the word except for the physical since I obviously do not have a large hole inside me, unless you include the stomach. But its been rather aimless these few weeks, and I wonder if thats whats going to be like for the next year, or even the rest of my life. I haven't been thinking much at all this year, just ramming through the entire thing and.... not really stopping to think.

But time just moves on at a rate of 1second per second, and it doesn't wait. What seems far at the start of the year, is already here, and if you extrapolate this entire thing, what seems far now will be here, no matter what. Unless of course you choose death, then that'll be something else. But morbid thoughts aside, maybe its time to start thinking. At least for the year, but since what happens in the next year will have many ramification in the years to come, this will be hard. But I suppose having just aimed one year is a start better than nothing. I should set some New Year resolution.. but to find the resolve to combat them.. hmm.

Maybe I should take up something.. in a form of a religion, maybe my parents. I admire my parents largely for their resolve, especially my mom (who definitely cannot see this since she's both English and web illiterate). Theres no need to go on about the story of my mom, but its something worth lauding. Even if not religion, at least I need something to constantly keep me in check. Maybe I'm immature, or maybe it's my character. But its time I get on with it. Knowing myself however, this conversations that happen at night with myself may bring about efficiency for one day, but it soon devolves back to nothing. Somethings needs to drive my resolve.. but what I don't know. I could new year resolutions up here, but hey theres nothing here to legally bind me to it. I suppose the trial lies in overcoming and tackling these problems yourselves, but I'm no supernatural.

This.. rotting at home leads me sometimes to wonder if I have any friends, I'm lazy, they're lazy or we're all lazy. Man has problem for different parts of his live, and while some can, I can't seem to find a person who can... understand the different facets of mine. And while they try to help, sometimes they just cant give the right advice? Of course theres also the skeptic in me that believes that sometimes all this is just what people say since not many can offer real advice, a.k.a. what I give sometimes when I'm listening. Its nice to know that there are people I can rant to, but over time you realise there are people that you just listen and sometimes ranting doesn't yield much... comfort, advice. (As I type this this looks all too familiar as something I've talked about. I'm getting very very repetitive. Maybe I AM just your stupid angsty teenager with nothing better to do but to rant about my own troubles) Its a period of self doubt again, sigh.

------------------------------------------------------------

On a less angsty, selfish note, Copenhagen summit was quite.. Not that it wasn't expected that nothing great would come out of it. Nations will be selfish, its human nature, if anyone expected any major or minor economy to be a saint and give huge carbon cuts with no strings attached, the entire country is either saintly, or that man that agreed to it will probably be fired/voted out in the next elections. A bit pessimistic here, but every government's country's priority is always, internal growth, as such as the arguments put forth by most of the developing nation. More so China, since much of its social stability is still largely based on its speedy economic growth and its ability to fund the image of a rapidly progressing nation. At least 500m peasants, not a pretty sight when it comes to an internal revolution. Even China's promise to cut emission to 40% of BAU levels seems rather... impossible. But we shall see. Naturally this would be a nice topic to do an IS on, but theres no time and no information. The climate future seems bleak, yet I believe what most people still care about is whether they can survive for now.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I wonder if

I'll ever be ready

or if I'll find it

Hong Nam

2009-12-18T14:51:00.002+08:00

And that, was the word I used most often in Thailand. It means, toilet. Sounds like a swear word. However Thai actually sounds alot like Cantonese when its said very quickly, even though its so largely different. I think Thailand is very amazing, it has its very own indigenous culture despite being near the malay archipelago, have people who look like Chinese, but have totally different cultures.

I think this trip... Hmm, hard to explain. While some aims were met, but I think they weren't very..well done. In the end theres still segregation, something unavoidable, I suppose, but it still kinda irks me to see this difference. Was fun, but not as fun.

And Thailand actually has nothing to buy. Nothing nice. Cheap, but not very nice. All their hoodies are very very AA, and their berms go at strange rates, like how size 32-34 was 290 baht and size 36 was 350 baht. And aren't very nice. Which is obviously a scam, doesn't make sense for a small difference to cost so much, the difference is about 2+ sing. And how they rarely have any new goods, all goods go on display its hard to buy something nice AND clean. Thailand shopping is weird, and too much of it goes to the point of being banal and hated. Everyday had shopping for at least 2-3 hours, but its still amazing how much the girls can buy. Even when there's nothing. Or seemingly nothing. I think we had overly high expectations for cheap prices, but prices in Thailand aren't that low either. Meh. So much for wanting to buy my new year clothes there.

Now if you were craving for milk sometime while I was away, you could go to 9/9 Vibhavadi Rangsit Road, Laksi, Bangkok 10210 Thailand, Room 2068. Someone had milk to give xD.

A trip filled with banal shopping, man-raping and the effervescent of gay couples.

___________________________________________________

Watched "The Mist" while at Thailand. Showed how in times of crisis of the unknown, man will create theories, reasons and beliefs to convince themselves that they understand whats happening, and try to tackle it. How man will believe anything to calm their soul, because man, of all things, fear the unknown. Man fears the unknown, and will try as much as possible to control it in anyway they can. Or attempt to explain the unknown. But what if, theres no reason to the unknown? What if it is supernatural. Could we not leave it just like that. Some might see my reasoning and view as passive, but sometimes thinking of the reason is so.. tiring.

On a side note, this is my 200th post.

Humans are strange

2009-12-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

I'm in a bad mood.

Yet.

I want people to listen but I don't believe they'd understand.

Because there are times I don't understand others too.

I want people to give me idea yet I don't believe they will work.

Then I suddenly don't want people to listen.

Staring at nothing

2009-12-06T00:05:00.002+08:00

There seems to be a strange hollow... somewhere.

That can't seem to be filled.

Or at least what fills it happens for too short.

I need out. Before I rot and die.

Well there are other things, but lets just say they're highly unfeasible.

What is this hollow feeling.

That strikes me every year.

Its boredom.

Extreme boredom.

Where work is more interesting than play.

Or maybe it's something else.

From the land where cows >> human

2009-11-26T16:12:00.002+08:00

New Zealand was fun! Quite a new experience, New Zealand is radically different from Singapore in ways more than one, and it has been totally worth the 75% subsidized price I paid haha

Day1 -2:

Travel travel travel. Left Singapore at 9, reached camp at New Zealand time 9pm, which is Singapore 2am. Go figure, we took 29 hours to reach camp from Singapore. And the road from Auckland to Tongariro was super bumpy, couldn't even sleep well. Bumpbumpbump, freezing cold at 700m above sea level. But we were lucky, we got a nice lodging, apparently we got the corporate lodging cause there wasn't enough space. 2 per room! With 3 showers and one nice lounge. And yes! A fireplace! So cool. A fireplace is very awesome, especially when you're cold then theres this nice hot fire by your back.

Day 3:

Rented gear, then we played some group games. Ok because I didn't really write them down, the memory of them is... kinda fuzzy. Involved a blind-man trail down a rather steep/full of steps road, I pity those who took the second half down with all the steps. Wonder if anyone took a shot of that. Going down is ok, climbing up is hell. After did some orienteering, paired with gretal who decided to dao the point system so we started to wander around a different route and found some really nice views of the mountain and forest areas. So we felt very happy about ourselves having taken a new special route... only to realise that everybody else just took the route in reverse... And now we had to climb up the steep climb mentioned above... one time more then everyone else. Tiring tell you, all the bloody steps. Good thing about NZOPC is that everyday ends at roughly 5.30pm, so we get alot of time to rest.

Day 4:

WET. Very wet. Don't like wet weather, but the equipment provided helped to keep the rain out, so essentially you stay dry, unless you perspire as much as I do, in which the overtrousers and parka merely help to keep drier then getting rained on. First activity, climb tree! New experience, the tree was well built for climbing, due to the alot of branches, but was hard to squeeze through since Kelly (instructor) picked out the smaller routes for Eliza, leaving people like Nelson to squeeze through those small holes. Everyone managed to squeeze through, but we also set the record for the longest time on the tree, about 2 hours. The tree was surprisingly sturdy, took my weight for the entire trip up and down. Then after that we were supposed to scale this 4m wall with absolutely nothing, was painful lying down on my stomache trying to pull people up, at least I only pulled 2 people up, Zhicong pulled up like 4 people I think. And trying to help the person slide down the 4m wall is also quite scary, in case the person injures something then CMI for the next few days then you'd feel quite guilty. We climb back up the steps again, and we realised that some of our trainers run up those steps everyday to get to breakfast. With full pack (15-20kg). Wow no wonder they're tough.

Day 4:

Dry day, mountain climbing! Climbed Mt. Pukikaiori ( i wonder if i spelt it correctly), but in Maori it means Mountain Eat Rat. Nope no typo. Apparently there was a Maori tribe that ate rats. Ugh. Anw the climb up was awesome. The first 200 m of ascent, the gradient was quite calm, quite soft. Then the last 500m.. was steep. Basically it s a rock climb all the way to the summit at 1692m. Challenging yet fun, everytime theres time to stop, you look back and you're astounded by the view, and the sense of achievement of having climbed up so high is really amazing and you get this sense of accomplishment, that pushes you to keep going up to the summit. Summit. Was. Astounding. Ok it wasn't exactly very high up, but the view was breathtaking, seeing Ngauruhoe(which somehow seems quite different from the way I and the other instructors pronounce it) on the outside is really really awesome. Was worth the climb up. Then they tried to play cards up on top, so they could go back and boast that they played cards at 1692m. The climb down was tough though. First 200m down was sliding down scree, which is essentially something like loose rock, so you just slowly slide your way down, and given the steep slope of the mountain at that point, was really quite tiring with rather high risk. Then the next half was a little bush-bashing, but mostly following a path already eroded by mud. The mud was slippery, and you really end up just grabbing whatever plants are around you for support to lower yourself down, which once again, were surprising strong to take weight. For such a small mountain, the time taken was surprisingly long. We left the carpark at 9.30pm, and reached back at the carpark at 5pm. But we were lucky it was dry, else I think climbing up would be hell.

Day 5:

Rock climbing! Up real rocks. Which was really fun experience! It is really quite challenging, having to find a place where you grab, and you really have to trust yourself to balance on one foot to reach the next platform. And when you abseil down, the first step of leaning back requires alot of trust that your teammates will belay you properly as you slowly drop down, but after the initial leaning back everything was much better. Also the day when Eliza broke her tooth after slamming into the rock wall, but luckily she got it down overnight and was up and running by nightfall. But the day was slack cause we only rock-climbed cause we were kinda slow that day. We started climbing only around 1+, and went home around 4+ since there wasn't time to climb Ruapehu. But a new experience, never really climb rock wall before. Even with the harness its still kinda of scary to suddenly slip.

Day 6:

OVERNIGHT EXPEDITION! Ok it wasn't really as described cause we wanted to do caving, so we didn't really get to plan our route, we just trekked straight to the caves. Although on the map it wasn't really far, but we did bush bashing to get there, which itself is quite tough. Have to trek through paths that aren't really marked, and its really a test of how you will look ahead and find a path that suits you better, even if the path is already marked out in front by your friends. Alot muddier this time, and the mud really goes squelch and does suck your shoe in. But otherwise it was quite fun, and you really get to see nature. Someone commented it was really those scenes in "Brother Bear", where around you are like those nicenice barren trees in a forest. Very natural feel. Reached campsite and set up camp! Lucky enough to camp next to a toilet. But it is essentially just a huge hole with a toilet seat on it. Then you... lookdownandseeallthebrownbrownthings. Then caving! Totally new experience, since most outdoor places also rarely bring you to caves either. Grappling around in the dark with almost no light (or in my case, disco lights! Shan't really explain in case the owner kills me... which I should already tell her when i return it to her tmw) on the cold rocks and squeezing through cracks you never thought you could squeeze through. Seeing the glow worms were cool also! Turn off all the lights, then you look up you see faint specks of green light which are the glow worms! There are also thin strands of thread that drop from the ceiling, which apparently are what glow worms use to trap insects. In fact biologically they're closer to arachnids, and can live without food for 18months. Its kinda tough competition IMHO, so many glow worms just waiting for a stray mayfly to fly in. But climbing back out the instructors they gave us another challenge, climb out with only 2 headlights. But we managed out! The entire thing was quite fun, halfway through saw this ominous skull shaped rock, but we managed out alive! Ok its quite hard to die in that cave unless there are flash floods. Dinner was cooked by Ken and Kelly! Nice tortillas! Snuggled into the camp, where Nelson became strangely high and was laughing until the time when he went to sleep. Was kinda squeezy at first, then somehow at night i had alot of space, that was cause zhicong rolled to the left and baifeng rolled to the right, so I had free space to shift around at night. Maybe cause we're all snuggling up, the night wasn't as cold as imagined.

Day 7:

Going back to base camp! Was easier this time we got a car ride back! Because there was still stuff to do after that, and we needed to wash all our tents, so we got back in car. Played tempo and concentration on the bus. Did some swamp activity too, but didn't really like it. After we packed finished we did kayaking! In that very nice cold water. But first we had to wear the wet suit which looks damn disgusting and tight, brings out all my flabs. But kayaking was fun, the water is cold enough to freeze your legs, we all wanted to stay inside longer, but it was really freezing. The most fun part would be chasing after Lavina then dunking her after that. Tried to dunk Ken, but realised that he really let us dunk him, cause when Jay attacked him at first, he didn't budge at all. Ken's really freaking strong, worked as a logger before. But everything has to be washed properly because of something called 'didymo' ( go search yourself), so washing was quite boring. Then it was just slacking around until night. Night was fun, played Monopoly. Karen was quite random halfway, randomly start laughing halfway. But she seemed to be a good luck charm for Gretal, moment she came back down then Gretal's money started flowing in. Saw the stars at night! Gosh those were nice! Its nice to see a sky of stars with almost no light pollution. Saw Orion (inversed), Sirius and the Milky Way ( which according to sianglin is just a stretch of stars, not the actual galaxy, but does give a wispy, milky feel). Really beautiful and amazing site, could have stayed longer if not for the cold. I was already warmer cause I was sapping zhicong's heat by hugging him haha. But the huddle was still split between guys and girls, because 'boy girl skinny skinny no green' (男女授受不亲). Then we popped back.

Day 8:

Leaving base camp! But before that we tried another high ropes, which was really one of the best rides. we did a 15m rock wall climb( which Ken thrashed everyone by climbing it up in 22secs, even Kelly the rock-climbing pro) Then after that we're strapped to a harness, then you drop all the way down like a swing. They just ask you to step off then you just go. The first few metres of free fall took my breathe away, wanted to shout something then it just got stuck in my throat. Literally breathtaking.

Next few days:

Boring, the town was utter boredom, didn't managed to buy stuff. Went to Agrodome though, which was this collection of a few adventure rides, with stuff like the bungee and Swoop!, which was essentially similar to the swing mentioned before, cept this time its about 30+ m. I tried the extreme freefall!, which was basically a simulation of free fall diving, with that wind turbine blasting you up, but the perceived risk is much much lower since the floor is... less then a meter under you? But you can't hear anything since the wind turbine is really loud. The freefall was fun,wanted to buy the shirt too, but didn't have my size. They only had two pieces left which was like for kids.

This trip was really quite cool, allowed me to see alot of things that I wouldn't really get to experience in Singapore, and makes Singapore seem so small and boring. Sianglin was like " I WANT TO IMMIGRATE TO NEW ZEALAND!!!" most of the time, which... is another debatable issue which i'll cover in another post if I remember. The food at the base camp was also quite good, and the servings were huge. I remember there was one meal where there was enough to feed 12 people for 2 meals. Was also the meal that we bet Jay to finish everything for 500 bucks, cause we know it'd be impossible. The cook were really nice people, super accomadating, and even offered to help us wash our clothes in the washing machine! We didn't have paper to write a nice thank you card, and even bugged her for recipe's. We wanted to start a fan page on facebook for her though haha. Also in New Zealand, at least at the camp, the recycling/environmental culture is really good and strong, they really make an effort to separate the rubbish accordingly, and it's something that Singapore can adopt and make it really go far. If we really do adopt their culture we could save so much more. Even on a national level the effort is rather prevalent. And in NZ, there are also no jaywalkers. Maybe its the lack of people, but we felt guilty to jaywalk when the pedestrian crossing was within sight. And no taxis in the smaller towns either, because there are so little people and cars are so cheap there. The stuff at NZ is also very expensive, from food to clothes. A simple meal costs roughly around 10+. But I also loved all the nice talks I had with some of the people. Its through these talks that you get know more about these people. Heh.

Perseverance. Taking the risk. Trust. Clear communication. Looking out for others. Others before self. Making the decision and acting fast. Fun. Friendships. Things I learnt and took away throughout the days, and will hopefully stay through at my life. That I can apply.

Hopefully pictures will be in soon so I can go around koping xD

Now that is a long post.

I'm leavin' on a jet plane...

2009-11-15T15:09:00.002+08:00

Ok not really a jet plane. More like Quantas, which thanks to many reminders from people, is a relatively high risk and shitty air line. The last time I flew Quantas was when I was 5, and it wasn't very shitty. Or maybe they just weren't shitty yet, or as a kid I probably didn't have too high expectations of what airplanes were supposed to be.

10 days in New Zealand!

Flying off in 6 hours..

And please buy my concert ticket. You know you want to. Its a very nice concert, featuring HCSB! So Go! Not like I can pass you the tickets anytime soon though..

28th Nov, 7.30pm, only 8 DOLLARS at HCJC audi.

GO NAO

Or how bout this, you pass me 8 dollars, and i'll throw in a ticket for free! Free tickets, how bout that.

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One sided.

But I just can't forget.

I'm not ready anyway.

I'll just hold it in.

And wait for my reprieve.

After A's.

Because I know.

Nothing will happen.

Time is the catalyst for all changes

2009-10-30T23:01:00.002+08:00

The last pillar has fallen.

~~The case for optimism.~~

Procrastinating is much more enjoyable when there's something to do

2009-10-23T22:02:00.003+08:00

I had originally intended to write my own obituaries, and would be most apt on the last day of promos. Got lazy, and after getting back everything, writing it now seems rather inappropriate, knowing if I do I would be about to receive death threats from a sizable number of people. So I shall be normal, and instead of griping, I shall feel extremely satisfied with my results, and lets move no further.

However, as I toyed with the idea of writing this completely made-up obituaries complete with a news article, I pondered. What would people write or say at my funeral? How would I be remembered? How did others perceive me? Its definitely better to have more people, different people see things differently. What would they write in my obituaries? "Dearly missed"? "Good riddance"? Its something interesting to look at I think, whether be it heartwarming or surprisingly shocking. Then you think about why they say that. While asking people for their comments now would be obviously interesting, however, its better to get it at the real one. Difference being you're dead, they feel more free to say anything cause you can't do anything. However, downside is that you probably couldn't tell either, so yada. Maybe theres a spirit lingering after all those, but since that can't be proven.. so.. Hmm. But still, I'm interested to hear your replies. So to all readers that know me... Post your epitaph of me in the tagboard! Or msn me. Of course, I shall take everything with a pinch of salt due to my skeptical nature of almost everything.

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Its strange there theres this invisible, uncrossable bridge between us. Its been almost 2 years, yet I can't seem to forget what has happened. Its so much chaos. Maybe that rift set us apart for the rest of the years, maybe in the future even. Perhaps we will never be the same. Perhaps we've lost that innocence that we once shared. Now we approach other with courtesy. Too much courtesy. That real meaning in communication is lost, and borders on senseless, pointless interactions.

But bordering on courtesy. Isn't it strange how the closer we are to a friend, the more un-courteous we can get? So you can see a cycle...

Un-courteous (totally hate this guy) -> Courteous (is a friend) -> Un-courteous (BFF)

Of course the connotations of both ends of the spectrum differ, but still its an new look at relationships.

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I think America is just a farce. Stop trying to promote a better environment, cause if at the end of the day you're not gonna take concrete measures to cut your emissions, then don't bother asking others to, cause you've no right to lecture others what you cannot do yourself.

The point is, no country will willingly cut its economic profits to save the world. Humans, in the end, are still selfish and creatures focused on the present. Because if they try to do anything to harm the economy, the ones that suffer first will be the poor. Because the rich too powerful to offend. And when the poor suffer, you think they give a damn about 'the future of the environment', when they can't even see their own future? This happens everywhere, and thats why seeking for countries to make big cuts on the emissions is a lost cause as long as there is an income disparity and economic progress is the main focus of most, if not all countries.

FISHFISHFISHFISHFISH

2009-10-01T21:56:00.004+08:00

Sometimes for fun, I like to tell people I eat alot of fish.

Its something I'm strangely proud of. Cause I love fish!

To demonstrate....

Image a fish thats 22cm by 5 cm long.

(following images may be a tad disgusting)

Now... we look at the fish. After dinner.

What fish? Right so as you can see, all that is left is the bone. There wasn't much in the head, or else it would be gone and on my plate too.

To prove that I didn't just heap the flesh on my plate. These are the bones.

And if you thought I ate that with my family.... no. We all decided to have one fish each today. So that.. dismemberment was done by yours truly.

Ok now that was truly random.

The younger you are, somehow you just get away with things

2009-09-26T23:08:00.005+08:00

Entered my grandma's house today, and then saw my baby cousin. Now she's always been like that, but somehow this pro-longed effect is starting to piss me off. She's too spoilt by my Aunt. And apparently you're not allowed to scold kids cause they'll bawl their head or something. Which after this point I no longer really bothered. And realised scolding her is useless.

My sis: Say Hi to gorgor!

Cousin: No! *turns away*

Bloody hell I'm your senior, at least give a basic courtesy to say "hi", even if its completely dead. But no.. she was super high when she said no. Idiot. Couldn't even be bothered to comment cause she does this everytime. And I can't be bothered to play hide and seek in that small house with her. Whats the point.

And nobody said anything. Maybe we're all just used to it. Maybe compared to last time she's better, that i don't deny. She seemed to have escaped anything, partly apathy, partly cause she's a kid. Which looking at kids these days, seems to be rather flawed argument. Kids are gradually less innocent, and their young minds are actually capable of things you don't imagine. Another cousin has been caught for forgery. Age: 7. Why at my tender age of 7, 'shit' was still a serious profanity. Here is a kid that knows how, even though badly, to forge a signature. The concept itself is alarming.

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Been reading the news lately, and somehow I get the impression that America is having too much on its plate. While it has served the role of being the world's regulator for so many years, isn't it time that they let the role to others. And maybe others could stop expecting so much of America, like the recent removal of the ICBMs in Eastern Europe, with outcries that America no longer cares. America is now stuck in so much stuff at home, and still expecting it to serve the world. Actually when you look at whatever Obama promises, somehow you get the feeling that he's not going to be achieve all. Not just the promises for health care and economy, but also the green energy industry and all the bilateral ties. They laud him for his promises, as he "constantly reaffirms his commitment" to so many other things. But if nothing gets done, what's the point. Theres just too much on his plate, and face it, hes a human with 24 hours. But somehow when you promise something you just got to do it, or people flame you for the lack of credibility and lack of ability to produce results. Perhaps its a rather myopic view of mine, after all he got voted into one of the hardest jobs in the world and he's expected to do it well, but still, he's a human. And one of the things thats stopping him, in my view is actually the Congress.

Yes democracy is a good idea, but one of the problems of democracy is the time taken to implement any policy or table any bill. Because everyone has the right to be heard, and in the time taken to consolidate all the views and appease everyone is, in my view, a waste of time that could be used to better do something. Many of the debates are merely ideologues, with people insisting that their view is better or more beneficial for the masses. This takes time, and since more issues are controversial, the debate process would be long drawn, and end of the day, the decision still doesnt appease everyone, and people will criticise these policies.

People flame authoritarian regimes for the disregard for human rights. But thats merely one facet of governance. If a government can quickly enact policies to serve the masses, then it has done equally well, if not better than a democratic government. Although given that these policies may be thus more flawed since there is less consultation. Of course governance is all theoretical, there is no such thing as a good government system. But ultimately if the people are happy, then i don't see why the government system is flawed. But being humans, when we're filled with our basic needs we start to think, then we lobby the government to give us more. Yes lobbyists. Where money buys power to influence the government. There's no government thats impervious to influence, and i actually fear a government thats influence by the masses then by selected individuals. Because the common masses, harsh to say, are dumb. The tyranny of the masses, is a scary thing.

At this point i decide maybe to stop, cause i realise if i was looking for a career in public service... I'd be so dead HAHA

What would do if XXX was doing YYY/stuck in the same room as you...

2009-09-02T19:01:00.002+08:00

Sounds familiar no? Everytime you do a meme/facebook note, its not uncommon to see such a question asking you what you would do if you stuck in some awkward/strange/uncommon/out-of-this-world circumstances. Well generally if these people appear in your meme you're probably relatively close to them, but sometimes when its a 35-people meme or a random one, more often than not you pick some person whom you 've havent really interacted much.

Then you pause. What do I reply? How much do I actually know this person? What WILL I DO in such an awkward situation with him/her? And you come to realise that you don't really know this person very well.

Replicate this to your entire friend list, and theres probably a high chance that you'd be stumped for at least 50% of your friends list. However the point is not about how you aren't really close to most of facebook friends.

What really makes a true friend then? This probably isn't something new, I think I've visited this somewhere, somehow. But this random thought struck me. Or maybe its not so random. But back to the point. How many people are you actually close to? Or these people just mere acquaintances? How are you sure you're really close to them. Because friendship is a two-sided thing. You're never truly close to someone unless they too, feel close to you.

How many friends do you have out there, who completely understand you? Or you completely understand them? Ever stared at your friend and think, "What is he talking about?" Of course there could be worse feelings, but lets just leave it at that. Or to have a friend that you completely relaxed around. Maybe its just me, but its not easy to find friends that you can sit around, to have a silence that isn't awkward, or to not take conscious notice of his/her existence. Perhaps its just me being oversensitive. To not take conscious notice of his/her existence doesn't mean that I don't care that the person is there, but rather I don't mind doing anything cause I know he/she wouldnt bother. Maybe there are more people than I thought around me who does that, but maybe it isn't obvious, or maybe I'm thinking too much haha.

But to use this a strict judge for whether the person is a true friend may be too rigid. If thats the case true friends are really rare, perhaps 1 in a 1000. People, with their diverse views, there will definitely be times that you don't understand/care what they're talking about, but to just nod your head and show interest goes a long way to cementing a good relationship. Take interest in your friend's life, and they will, sooner or later, take interest back in you. Or maybe its just easier for me to be a listener.

However, because you can't read minds, you can never truly tell what a person is thinking. The truly perceptive may be able to, but the pessissmist in me believes that there are times where what you perceive may not be what they're truly thinking. Men, after all, have many faces. How can you tell which is which? And when you are confronted with a story about what the person has done outside, you start to wonder if the person is truly who you know. Or that what you've heard is just a lie. Faith in your friend is good, of course, but isn't more painful to be betrayed by someone you trust? But at this point there lacks a litmus test for real friends. Other than the day of relevation when something happens and you see who deserts you and who sticks by you, there is hardly any before to judge who is a real friend. But having said that, its not a good idea to go around distrusting those around you. Because it ain't going to be building friendships, and when it comes to crunch and everyone deserts you, it just fortifies your belief that true friends don't exist, and the cycle goes on.

Perhaps its better that we receive some form of affirmation.

Perhaps as we grow older, we will understand what makes a true friend. Or perhaps its better to make friends now, where we are more innocent then what we could be in the future. But at the end of the day, which would you rather settle for, a few 'good friends' or many 'just friends'.

Cold and dark

2009-08-24T17:06:00.003+08:00

I've come to realise that lately... I don't seem to care about anything any more. That it no longer bothers me when something does or does not happen. Naturally I still care for my friends, but there seems to be.. nothing that is worth more than my usual amount of attention. Nothing to look forward to. Maybe its a sense of resentment. Or apathy. But nothing seems to be worth caring anymore. Because nothing changes. Maybe being cold to everything else seems to be a way to keep going.

But yet I'm seeking some form of attention. I'm not sure. But I find it.. hard to find any joy in anything. And I'm not looking for any encouragement. Or at least the usual ones, because somehow its just so predictable that I've decided to switch myself off to these comments. Somehow... my life seems to lack something, but I'm not sure what. Maybe I hope my friends will care, but somehow I just can't put it into words. Then I end up closing myself up. Till no one knows whats wrong with me. Maybe I don't really know either. This isn't helping me either, I know what it is like when someone reaches out to you and you refuse, because I've tried to reach out to others, only to get a cold reply. But... I no longer seem to bother with that.

Or maybe I'm just aching for someone to reach out to me.

Perhaps I need a goal. Something worth working for. There seems to be little motivation to restart myself and push on. Something's nagging at my heart, it feels dark. Yet what is it, I don't know. Or maybe I know, and I'm just not willing to let go. Of that thought.

Much as I have received the answer I expected, I can't seem to let go. I need to let go. Distancing myself won't work. I need to find the solution to move on.

Or maybe I need someone to push me. But strangely.. that someone doesn't exist anymore. No one strong enough.

Well things happen..

2009-08-16T21:28:00.001+08:00

I've gone on and done it, and the results were as expected.

Ah well.

National Day

2009-08-09T19:34:00.002+08:00

"Our president always takes his time to say his hellos and goodbyes to the people! That must be why he's so well loved by the people!"

Woe be the country should the president be well-liked just because he takes his time to say his hellos and goodbyes. If thats the sole criteria I think I know alot of people who would be equally well-loved presidents.

And how come the PAP is marching, but wheres the rest? Wheres my LDP, WP and the others? Aren't they all active, fervent passionate citizens who care for the country and have active political participation? Oh wait, scrap the political participation part.

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Oh and this just read in Time Tunnel.

Birth of mitochondrial Eve in Africa at 150 thousand years ago.

Birth of Y-chromosomal Adam in Africa at 60 thousand years ago.

Poor racist white bastards, having their dreams shattered they actually all orginated from being black. Aww poor people. And that Adam and Eve don't really seem to be as white as you think they are.

So before you think of cristicising our dark-skinned fellow friends, remember that you all originate from the same fucking source and they were here before you were.

Moving right along.

2009-07-28T18:33:00.004+08:00

Perhaps it was foolish to think about going after it, when it was rather impossible from the start.

So perhaps its best to stop it now before things get worse and my imagination goes awry.

If we aim for the stars, we might hit the moon, but sometimes its brings you back down to the earth, right into that fresh hole that appears to have been dug while you were aiming for the stars.

Kill the thoughts, since the source can't possibly be removed.

Cruel you say, to end something before its started. Kills your dreams.

But sometimes, it better to be realistic, get an actual hold of whats happening.

Or maybe I need to learn how to differentiate between the two.

And move on.

Yea. Just moving on.

有时是否觉得人生很寂寞，一个孤零零的？

To see double vision despite through clear specs

2009-07-22T21:27:00.003+08:00

I seem to be increasing disillusioned. Over thinking, over reading, and over imagining.

I wonder how people start, since there's always a point where we start of knowing nothing.

Perhaps I should just shut down my brain for awhile. And not think.

Won't know. Won't care.

Maybe now isn't the time to think about this. Distracting.

Moving on...

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如果你不想做，就别一直推别人去做。

Seriously people, if you don't like/ want to do it, then just shut up. Is there a need to push people to do something you know they won't like either, giving rubbish and crap reasons to not do. Just fucking shut up. No one will care if you don't want to do it. Neither will pushing someone else to do make it any better for you. If you're so good at pushing others, why don't you volunteer for it yourself, since the person should technically derive so much joy from it that you have to push him, why don't you just go fucking enjoy it yourself. Doing the wrong things at the wrong times.

You guys are getting seriously irritating at times.

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For some strange reason, I no longer really care who reads this blog.

No, I'm not self-destructing, I'm going through a phase.

The sky is very blue today, but the sky in my mind is not.

2009-07-18T20:20:00.006+08:00

As I read through an article in Time (for reference, should you, on an extremely unlikely basis, want to refer to this article, it's 20th july), I ponder about what really makes a leader. The central message really seems to be "It's what you do that counts". Which then once again brings up the personal question if I am a leader. As we progress up in school, although its still school, its becoming more and more of a microcosm of the society, complete with the political backstabbings, but that's not the main focus of this, and we need to do much more, present much more to really be a leader. But sometimes I wonder if I've actually done anything as a leader. To help this "great organisation". What is actually the job of a leader? How do you judge that someone is really a leader. How much does he really do. Sometimes I wonder what all these dialogues between countries do, when alot of times(esp Singapore) talk about "reaffirmation of ties between Singapore and randomcountryouttherethatmanysingaporeansdon'treallycareabout" or "ties between our countries are strong, says LHL". Honestly isn't just all talk? Maybe I hardly understand politics, but having these "strong ties" is hardly convincing that if some country really wants to bomb us they could do so while having these "strong ties". Rhetorics are just often used that they seem to have lost their meaning other than to convince the masses that "OH LOOK WE'RE DOING SOMETHING. VOTE FOR US."

So what makes a leader? And one possible argument lies is that can the masses truly be the judge of whether a leader is good? Maybe it can. But sometimes some policies and terms are just so esoteric that its hard to explain, or that it's meaningless to explain, or that its tradition. Lets ignore the part about tradition, but sometimes some policies are done with a different view in mind. Maybe some policies are long-term, but lets face it, humans are short-term creatures. If I can't get a good job or eat my fill, WHO CARES ABOUT THE NEXT GENERATION. And everyone has their own opinion as to whether this person was a good leader, thats where history and people's opinion come in and go "oh he was a good leader" or "nah he sucked" or "who's he". So how do you truly judge someone. Do we judge someone for the things he did, or for the things he didn't do. Perhaps the most important thing should be "the things that he should have done when everything was stagnanting and in need of that push". Perhaps the main focus of the leader, ultimately, is to help those that need the most immediate help. To use a oft used chinese story about an emperor who took advise from a random hermit out there in the woods, "the most important thing to do is to help those who are right in front of you who need immediate assistance". Maybe sometimes it better to be an everyday hero. Cause the more public you get, the pool of "people who are right in front of you who need immediate assistance", exponentially expands.

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Today's public speaking workshop was rather amusing I suppose. Does help that our trainers are quite young. Trainer was a J2. But her confidence wouldn't have shown that point. Had alot of doing impromptu Q&A, and doing what I do best, bullshitting with lame crap.

Trainer: Why is it called a grandfather clock?

Me: Because its made by grandfathers! Because they're old enough to have the technical experience to do so.

Yizhang: What about great-grandfathers? Why not GGF clocks?

Me: Cause they're dead.

And also the culmination of the "7-11 downstairs logic" and Grace's "cause I'm smart" logic.

Trainer: Why is it a^2 + b^2 = c^2?

Me: Because pythagaros liked it so.

------------------------------------------------------------

Their chest popping is awesome.

----------------------------------------------------------------

There comes a point, every 4-5 months, where I wonder people read my blog and should I bother censoring my blog cause if no one reads it anyway.

This is the time.

Pissed

2009-07-17T22:38:00.002+08:00

Pissed. Just pissed. That they just don't want to seem to want to budge. Their arguments are not entirely false. And some logic only applies to a certain sense. For their logic, its perfectly fine, and honestly if given a similar circumstance with that attitude, I would adopt the same attitude. Ok I might not. But because of these difference in base values, sometimes I find it hard to convince them. Or even convince myself. Maybe we're just doing it for the sake of tradition. For face.

So do we also have to follow tradition? Is there a point? Just because they've done it before should it mean we should do it again? That we can't adopt a new twist? Even if its different, and may not be what they expected. What do they expect? Does it mean less if the thing is different, slightly less than previuos years?

But back to the point about being pissed. I couldn't flare, partly because I forgot if I could actually flare after so long, partly because I don't flare at friends, and partly because I couldn't find a reason to justify. But just help me will you, I'm trying to do my job. I know you've got your valid views, which I don't disagree, but its not like I actually want it. Its not like I can afford it too. The feeling sucks, and I'm not even sure if I'll be able to pull it through at the end of the day. Please don't let it flop

------------------------------------------------------------

I'm so smart, I've forgotten what was the second thing I wanted to blog about.

Volunteers? Or really?

2009-07-14T19:25:00.002+08:00

"Eh help me sign this! Very fast."

*flurryflurrysignsignwriteparticulars*

"ok thanks byebye"

Useless much? In short, those three lines just summed up what the Volunteer Fair was like today. By giving our main aim as getting names for the booth, what we all just did was run around collecting signatures from friends just to fill up the form. Without any actual promotion of the Volunteer Organisation attached. So at the end of the day, people fill up the form, the organisation gets a brief fleeting moment of hope that there are many supporters from this school. Email sent,*poof*, and they'll never see our asses again. Never again.

So we really there to help the organisation, or just to let them waste time, effort and manpower to attempt to 'convince' you to support their cause, cause we know for a certain fact many teenagers our age don't give a rat's ass to the blind, disabled or animals. In fact, many of the population don't, because not many are as passionate to give up our oh-so-luxurious life to settle for a low pay to help these people and .. animals who really do need our help. Besides anyone could tell that the Volunteer Fair had rather poor attendance. Or it was hardly even heard of. Most of the helpers over there were just sitting there and not really doing the selling, not like there was much selling to do. Which further defeats the point about this entire fair.

Useless much. Everyone's time would be better spent on something more invigorating and sensible.

Scientific Proof!

2009-07-13T21:19:00.001+08:00

Is there a Santa?
(not to be read by any children under 10)

A recent scientific inquiry into Santa Claus revealed the following.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about. .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion -
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now

found this on band blog archives.

Lovely!

2009-07-08T10:32:00.002+08:00

Just another song that I fell in love with!

Motherland by Crystal Kay, though otaku's will recognise this as FMA season 1's 3rd ending. Didnt used to like this song, until one day it began playing on random on my iTunes.

On the day when you departed
I said, “See you,” and waved my hand like always
Just as if tomorrow
We’ll meet again in this town

To believe in love is
Not giving up on yourself
Until the day when my dream is fulfilled
With a smile, I gaze at the stars and give a prayer, because I’m here

I want to be the sky for you
And even envelope your sadness
So that whenever you look up while you’re faraway
You can know that you’re not alone
So that there’ll be a place for you to return to

In the town without you
I’m living well just as usual
Because I think
It’s what I can do now

In any event
There’s a hidden meaning
Even if your dream begins to disappear
I want you to be like yourself, because at anytime, I’m here

It’s okay if you aren’t strong enough to lose your tears
Let your tired heart rest
Wishing for a wonderful tomorrow while falling asleep
Like a little child

This broad world is connected
The white clouds drift and turn into the wind
And go to you

Does my voice reach you?
I couldn’t say my overflowing feelings
I want to be the sky for you
And even envelope your sadness
So that whenever you look up while you’re faraway
You can know that you’re not alone
So that there’ll be a place for you to return to

So that there’ll be a place for you to return to

I'm not posting the MV cause its quite bad. And if the lyrics don't make lyrical sense, thats cause its in japanese! The lyrics are very touching. *sniff*

君が旅立つ日は　いつもと同じ
「じゃあね」と手を振った
まるで明日もまた　この街で会うみたいに
愛を信じるのは　自分にも負けないこと
夢が叶う日まで　笑顔のまま星を見て祈り捧げここにいるから

私は君にとっての空でいたい　哀しみまでも包み込んで
いつでも見上げるときは　ひとりじゃないと
遠くで思えるように　帰る場所であるように

君がいない街で　相変わらずに元気で過ごしてる
それが今私にできること　そう思うから
どんな出来事にも　隠れてる意味があるの
夢が消えかけても　自分らしくいてほしい
どんなときもここにいるから

涙失くすほど強くなくてもいい　疲れた心休ませてね
素敵な明日を願い眠りについて　小さな子供のように
この広い世界はつながってる　白い雲は流れ風になって
君のもとへ

私の声は届きますか?
あふれる気持ち言えなかった

私は君にとっての空でいたい　哀しみまでも包み込んで
いつでも見上げるときは　ひとりじゃないと
遠くで思えるように　帰る場所であるように

帰る場所であるように

A short glance. In that direction.

2009-07-06T22:05:00.004+08:00

Chalet was fun. In it's own way. I guess. Lots of mass randoming. And me being a completely delirious insane individual. As when it hits 12am.

And after that went to Yiting's house for that pathetically sized gathering. And felt very "bright" at times. With rather lousy mahjong luck, winning only twice.

Yes. Not much of a post here. I've given up on description, unless its extremely interesting. Of which nothing seems to fit that bill now.

Back to school soon. With lots of undone things. This list of course includes PW. That hated subject.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Confused and reading mixed messages. Which I'm not even sure are messages that exists. Back to life of over-reading everything. Wonder if this is healthy. Whenever I over-read, I always end up being suspicious of those around me.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about these things so early in life. Maybe just leave it till later. But theres always envious and jealousy creeping around.

Sigh. Why do I bother about these things, instead of focusing on what is more improbable, implausible, unrealistic and unimportant, how about focus on something more tangible. This is too far-fetched. Like Tian Hui said, its something very stupid. Or maybe its not. Hmm fuzzy definitions.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush

Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me, just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain?t going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl?
Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
?Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever!

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain?t going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
?Cause I've tried and tried to walk away
But I know this crush ain?t going away-ay-ay
This crush ain't going away-ay-ay

Going away
Going away-ay-ay
Going away-ay-ay

Its old, but its a nice song haha

What happens

2009-07-01T18:25:00.002+08:00

When you mis-type a livejournal address? You get this:

I'm sorry, you've reached a page that I cannot find. I'm really sorry about this. It's kind of embarassing. Here you are, the user, trying to get to a page on LiveJournal and I can't even serve it to you. What does that say about me? I'm just a webserver. My sole purpose in life is to serve you webpages and I can't even do that! I suck. Please don't be mad, I'll try harder. I promise! Who am I kidding? You're probably all like, "Man, LiveJournal's webserver sucks. It can't even get me where I want to go." I'm really sorry. Maybe it's my CPU...no that's ok...how bout my hard drives? Maybe. Where's my admin? I can't run self-diagnostics on myself. It's so boring in this datacenter. It's the same thing everyday. Oh man, I'm so lonely. I'm really sorry about rambling about myself, I'm selfish. I think I'm going to go cut my ethernet cables. I hope you get to the page you're looking for...goodbye cruel world!

HaHa this is so darn cute haha. Just had to post this.

Side note, blocks are almost over!

Blocks pressure

2009-06-19T22:11:00.002+08:00

Ugh blocks are coming, its a week to the entire thing/chaos/shit, and here I am having just finished Terry Prachett book. Not having done much today, which includes going back to HCIMB, another PW meeting and just generally wasting my time. Not to mention that my notes for CSE.. lets just say threadbare doesnt do justice to how pathetic it is. And thats my first paper. Oh joy. CSE and GP on the same day, I think I'd better off.. I'm not sure what. Just that these are the two topics that I haven't started. Or rather I'm not sure how to start. CSE notes are thick, and not as straightforward as I thought.

So like everyone else, we just end up procrastinating, saying that maybe we'll start tmw. Maybe I'll start tmw. But how much confidence can we invest in that statement that we REALLY will start tmw? And we say, oh its seven days, some time left. But haven't we realised that we've wasted by the past 3 weeks because we've thought there was enough time. Sure its 24 hours a day. Then you wake up late. Oh the joy. And 24 hours isn't exactly alot of time. So everyone else is just not being efficient, and just hoping for MOE to pass the decree that school will be late one week. BUT SO? Blocks will still come, and do you think honestly that we'd make use of that time to mug? Honestly, I doubt so. Time passes fast. Way more than we imagine. 24 hours. Isnt alot. Even as I study now, I'm merely doing the subjects that I probably will at least pass in, and have neglected what really needs revision. Which is just a pure lack of priority. CSE is an interesting subject, don't get me wrong, and I'm totally fine with essays. But whats with memory? How does anyone even study like that? How do people study by pure hard-core memory. Point being? Which is starting to make me wonder if I'm even cut out for the arts. Interest VS skill dilemma again.

1-2 years, isn't alot either. The days are long, but the years are long. How long before we have to move on with life? At the current moment, its just depressing. A's and stuff. Then soon we realise that time just passes very fast, then we're gonna die. 70 years just gone like that, and some of us don't even have a plan of what we're going to do. Just wandering aimlessly around, just because of the divide between what we want to do and what we have to do and what we can do. Sometimes you just feel so helpless. Or the fact that we're too lazy sitting on our ass to bother to do anything. What really drives people. How much can we achieve in such a short time. Sometimes life is just so... Time passes to fast. So we're just gonna die one day. Sue me if you want, I'm in an extremely cynical/skeptic mood.

Nights and days spent just whiling our life away. Maybe its better to just enjoy the present moment and ignore the future. The sometimes very troubling future.

Life sometimes has too much troubles and unexpected. I guess I'm ok with handling the unexpected, but honestly, sometimes maybe if life STOOD STILL FOR A MOMENT. That'd be nice. Of course this is just all a rant, and I'm probably going to adopt a different view point tmw. But still. Sometimes maybe I think too much about random stuff that I'm not supposed to think about, and wasting time like that. But not like acads are a very good escape.

Wonder whats our purpose. For everything. Maybe I should just spontaneously combust and poof. MAYBE all my troubles might evaporate. Then again, troubles are always in perspective, maybe when I get myself into deeper shit in the future I'll probably enjoy my carefree JC days, which is what's happening now as I reminiscence my lower sec days. Maybe school is just a much more innocent, though decreasingly so as we advance up and school is more and more a microcosm of society, complete with the good, bad and ugly. Still at the end of the day school is more innocent, cause there's much less at stake. Probably less backstabbing. People change when they grow up. Losing the innocence. Maybe thats why people love kids. To find back the lost childhood, the lost innocence.

Now we wonder why people, like me, are discontented. Unlimited human wants, economics if you like. Though my wants are SEEMINGLY innocent, there are just many more material wants unsaid. I'm generally becoming vainer, which is a horrible thing. Some of values have just changed, even before entering JC. Brought up possible by various hormonial changes or environment changes, you go figure.

But the video is really insightful I think. Maybe we don't really know how to appreciate what we have. Maybe. Last line was really amusing I think, but struck home a very important point.

But that doesn't change my grouchy mood.

HOT

2009-06-17T16:30:00.002+08:00

The. Weather. Is. Very. Hot.

Making me sleepy, which doesn't help when I'm trying to compile CSE notes and I sort of forgot what Mr. Teh said after so long.

I want to sleep. Wonder if it makes a difference if I'm awake and not absorbing anything, or if I go sleep.

ZZZZZZ

This was just to kill somemore time.

Oh if you're bored too, go youtube and find videos on George Carlin. A rather amusing comedian, though extremely cynical. If you're christian, don't watch it. You'll probably get pissed. He's quite a vocal atheist.

The year ahead

2009-06-11T21:15:00.002+08:00

Band Outing was rather fun! Though only when dinner started and a few more seniors came. Ok maybe the games, by my own admission, were abit lame, but hey! sometimes its the lame things that are fun! In the end, free and easy everyone still split lah, but at least the groups aren't like all nanyang, high school and stuff. Some nice mix within everybody, at least theres a start of some interaction.

Then playing volleyball! Funniest things happen, mostly to Tian Hui. Feel quite bad that she kena suan-ned until like that. But I guess different people got different talents, honestly I'm not very good either. Irene also very funny sometimes. But at least our team quite cool!

After that it became super gender segregated, all the boys sit one corner talk cock, then the last 7 girls were sitting in one corner. God knows what they were talking about. Cynthia was the only J2 girl there.

But it was fun!!! More to come hopefully in the year and especially during hols.

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Elections. Come and gone.

I hope I can live up to expectations. The expectations of the band. For those who voted me in, and even more so to those who did not.

The next year should be eventful, hopefully in the positive way. Hopefully by the end of this short one year, I can come out saying I have tried my best to bond the band, so that we become a nice bonded batch with no negative feelings towards anyone.

As one bonded batch. As one bonded band. As one entity. That is and will be my goal. Though exact manifestations.. haha I'm still unsure.

I just hope not to regret what I've done, and to turn a year of leadership into YET another year of torture. Band so far has been my antidote to school life. Let not school life turn into the antidote for band.

11 of us. But remember, at the end of the day, the 11 of us are still a part of the 36 of you. We are not a separate entity, but a wholly part of you.

We shall rush to greater heights. And let us honoured what we've all said in our short 3 mins.

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Honestly I felt it was a point-less issue. No point mentioning it. So please, don't mention it. There are many arguments to go about this issue. Its just something that happens in life. A part of life. Some things about human society and human relationships that we cannot change. So no point a big issue out of it.

So I shall keep quiet about it. -shh-

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Beneath the calm waters, there are dark things lurking. Things we do not see, until its too late. For every action, event and words, there are more than one ways to view it. Both positive and negative. What you think you see may not be what others think they saw. Not knowing the whole truth creates suspicion and misguided perceptions. But you can never know the whole truth. Truth is merely what the majority perceives. Truth, too, can be subjective. It all depends how you view it.

Is there a real truth to any matter? If you ask someone about it, as all humans do, they will get defensive about it. The only way to perceive the truth, if any, is to see that thing happen right before your eyes. Then its up to your own judgement and how many agree with that judgement. But since it has happened, theres no way to see it again. All you hear are the words of others, that could be layered with more things than what actually happened. If 5 people look at the same event and derive 5 different views, there will be 5 different views. But if each of these people tell another 5 people each, there will be another 5 different views. And it goes on. At the end of the day, what really happened? Can you still trust anyone for what they say, since they heard it from their friend's friend's friend's friend? taking into account simple mathematics, thats 5^5 different views. Looking at the same thing, all differently.

At the end of the day, everyone with their own views, their own hazy perception of what actually happen, can twist so many things. Twist the views of others, even those who trust. You hear something, and your perception changes. Sometimes you just wish you never heard anything.

Sigh, such is the complexity of truth. Seems like the only truth can appear in the Sciences. But thats so boring.

Crude attempt at commentary

2009-06-07T17:58:00.006+08:00

Obama: It is easier to start wars than to end them. It is easier to blame others than to look inward; to see what is different about someone than to find the things we share. But we should choose the right path, not just the easy path. There is also one rule that lies at the heart of every religion - that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. This truth transcends nations and peoples - a belief that isn't new; that isn't black or white or brown; that isn't Christian, or Muslim or Jew. It's a belief that pulsed in the cradle of civilization, and that still beats in the heart of billions. It's a faith in other people, and it's what brought me here today.

We have the power to make the world we seek, but only if we have the courage to make a new beginning, keeping in mind what has been written.

The Holy Koran tells us, "O mankind! We have created you male and a female; and we have made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another."

The Talmud tells us: "The whole of the Torah is for the purpose of promoting peace."

The Holy Bible tells us, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

The people of the world can live together in peace. We know that is God's vision. Now, that must be our work here on Earth.

Exercept from Obama's speech in Cairo. Felt kind of stupid typing out the entire chunk by ear, then realising that I could actually find the full transcript online. But that is secondary.

This exerpt, I think meant alot. It has highlighted some of the basic faults in man. Where we always seek first to criticise others before looking at ourselves, and always to focus on whats not there rather than what is already there. Is there a point in berating a person for what he is not, for what he lacks. Wouldn't it be better, sometimes, if we looked at what the person has and praise them for what he has? I think this can also be used at looking at ourselves, when we always compare ourselves with others and realise what we lack. Perhaps we should be more self-appraising, and recognise what we have. And understand that it is itself a reward. If you always focus on what we lack, although you might be driven to pursue these things, but sometimes you may become over focus-ed on these and lose sight of what you even want these things in the first place. Will it necesaarily make you happier if you have these things? If you lack certain things, does that lower your value as human? A person's value is not judged by what he has, but judged by what he can do with what he has.

But with respect to the speech in general, I think it still looks rather skeptical. Alot of things seem to be promised but its finally still down to the effort of these individual countries. The issue on pulling out of Pakistan, they would probably only pull out assuming that the government is strong and democratic enough to handle the situation. But thats only if, and judging by the dogged history of some of Pakistan's politcians, with Bhutto and Musharraf as a previous example. In any country, its virtually impossible to ensure a true democracy, and America isn't exactly the best example. At this given rate it might be hard for America to pull out, and unless their presence can be justified it might further damage America's credibility.

And with the economy suffering, they seem to be concentrating on too much. With a government's main focus being its people, if its people are hungry then theres no point in pursuing and maintain your global authority. With the crash of General Motors things might seem even more bleak. There seems to be too many things mentioned in his speech for him to cover in his term.

What I meant so far is that its all only talk from Obama. What has happened in these few years shows that somethings are very hard to put into actual feasible action. Whether they can really convince people to act in such a way is a completely different story. What they deem as the correct action to do may not be so by the common populace. And whether the actual intended effects will manifest itself, or it will just create more problems. The picture does seem very hopeful, but still quite idealistic.

-----------------------------------------------------

Batch outing.. was kinda of a flop. I just hope it gets better.

Singaporeans don't really look like they're in recession.

2009-05-30T22:38:00.003+08:00

Shopping at Taka today, and it made me sort of guilty. Bought quite alot of things like new bag and new shoes. Which hopefully are a worthy investment for at least 2-3 years. I hope. Because the total bill of the entire family was almost 800 bucks. Add in dinner which was more. Thats almost a 1000 bucks. i.e., what we just spent in one day could most probably be the monthly income of some families in Singapore. Which makes me kind of guilty that while we're spending so much some families are still scrimping and saving and eating cheap food for dinner.

Honestly this also gives me very much to be thankful for. Grateful for all that I have, from.. anything to everything. That I do not have to worry about my next meal, so that I can concentrate on other things. That I can look forward to going overseas to learn and experience, because I know my parents will definitely support me. Financially and physically. For that I'm very grateful.

But back to the original point, is that Singaporeans, at least from what I saw today, don't really look like they're being hit by recession, as reported in an article recently. I saw quite alot of shoppers around just the 4th floor of Taka, and it was slightly hard to manoveur around, though not exactly very packed. But people were still buying high-class things(after all thats what taka sells). Even those exclusive bag shops had a queue outside with people waiting to go in. If I were a tourist, I wouldn't believe that Singapore was in recession. Because the people don't look like they're in recession. They're still spending. Alot. Are we taking it too lightly? Or we really just prepared. Hmm.

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So school's finally out! So now its just mugging, just that I get to wake up later. Quite alot to cover for blocks, and obviously they're not going to be easy like your class tests, or else the seniors wouldn't be freaking out. Lets hope I can get into the mugging mood. And score a decent score for blocks. So I don't get retained. Or my ego doesn't get shattered again hah.

But so far I've been very satisfied with my grades. So far JC hasn't been as bad as I thought, and quite a few surprise grades like GP and Econs. I shall read this as a good sign that at least my JC grades will be roughly decent. Or maybe blocks will change all that.

But at least holidays are a nice break to school. No need to wake up early. But that means no friends and no band practs. Gah.

Ok this felt more like a post just for the sake of blogging cause quite alot of people are complaining that my blog is dead, with my last post being like 15 days ago.

Whee my life is getting so boring there's nothing to talk about. Really.

Lets celebrate this boring life.

OH! Who ever gets 10/17 for my facebook quiz should get somethign special from me xD Or at least the highest past 10/17. Because its not going to be easy haha. Even my sister only got 52%. what gives? haha

Confusion really.

2009-05-15T21:30:00.003+08:00

Hmm ok, so I didn't get into Fac Comm. But the past few days have sort of presented a dilemma to me. Wen Hao, if you read this, this is by no means an attack on the Fac Comm because I didn't get in. Maybe after reading this you might be happy you didn't choose the very indecisive and unsure me.

After hearing about the results, I was strangely... neutral.

After the interview, I suddenly realised that I may not have wanted to enter Fac Comm as much as I'd wanted to. Looking back at the last fac outing, the turn out wasn't exactly great. In fact it was quite dismal, yet according to Eileen this was already one of the better turn outs. So perhaps Fac Comm, was like Council to a certain extent. And after hearing from some seniors, I realised that it didn't enjoy as much as support as I thought it would. And I was afraid I would have to give up band, cause frankly, as I'm sure people will know I would rather give up Fac Comm rather than Band. So perhaps I'm not as suited for Fac Comm as I'd thought. But many a times I imagined myself in the Fac Comm, doing all the events and planning, and it seemed so real.

But honestly, hard work would be the last thing I'm afraid of. I think most of us are accustomed to working past 12, waking up at 5, then be in school till 7. And this could well be our daily cycle. I think what made me doubt myself rather, was my fear of the cold response that I'd gotten back in Sec 3. That you realise as much as you want to please everybody, there would be someone out there that wouldn't be satisfied. It is so hard to please everyone. And at much as everyone loves to give criticism, not many can take. Especially when you've tried your best, but perhaps the general populace still doesn't understand our troubles. There are many things that we'd love to do, just that its not within our means, either by organisational limits or by admin. Thats why after 1 year, I've stopped blaming councils for coming up with cliched stuff, cause it may not always be their fault. And I've appreciated events more, because I know alot of hard work goes into the planning of these events. So what I really fear is that I won't be able to take this, and be once again demoralised by the cold response that we will get. So perhaps for this, I considered dropping out of Fac Comm.

But after hearing the results, I felt some sort of bitterness, even monetarily. I think that I at least had a strong chance of getting in. Perhaps years of getting what I wanted made me think I would get it again. Time for a good lesson perhaps. F0r me to know that there is someone out there better, and time to re-evaluate the value I place on myself. Perhaps too ego-istic. But I think within our class, all 4 of us stood a good chance of getting in. So I lost, willingly. Perhaps I just didn't have something they wanted, or maybe I didn't show it. But theres no point in being bitter. Because bitter won't allow me to get my position of Fac Comm. Because being bitter will only work to worsen my relationships with my good friends. And because being bitter won't make me any happier. Still good friends, Jin Hao? xD

So hence I present myself as a self-doubting, dilemma-facing person whos so confused he can't tell left from right. Maybe that's who I am. Maybe I shouldn't even have ran. But hey! If you never ran, you'll never know. At least I know. Better than having not known and regretted all my life. Though there wasn't much of an experience, but through this at least I know where my loyalties lie. But I'm still in doubt why I ran in the first place. Portfolio, or pure passion?

So up next is Band Comm elections. I'm feeling slightly guilty, because I ran for Band Comm because I didn't get into Fac Comm. Again it goes back to the point about portfolio or pure passion. If we remove the fact that these acheivements are recorded and will affect your future in a way, would I still run for it? Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I'm really just very confused. Besides, elections never went down well with me. Maybe what I want will escape from my graspe. But still, just try? Though I'm not sure what to fill for the form. Maybe I'm not forward thinking enough, but I still want to serve the band.

Sigh.

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And this part of the post was due on Vesak Day. Cause on Vesak Day 2008, the BSP facils met each other for the first time. Though I don't konw all of them, but I'm quite happy with some of the bonds which I've built with a few of them. Hopefully it can expand to more. But for a few days of working together, we're surprisingly bonded? At least for a few us. And we're thinking of crashing back again this year, in which I'll be quite glad to. Honestly, BSP camp would probably be the most fun and slack camp of my life, and to relive those memories with my facils.

Whoo Facils! I sincerely hope that even after a few years, at least a core group of us will still stay in contact with each other.

Random thoughts

2009-05-10T21:59:00.006+08:00

I was thinking back to that day when the few of us were walking back to JC. Chai was trying to guess my sister's name then I casually asked her what was her chinese name to see if I could provide any clues. And that made me realise that so many people call her Chai that I've forgotten that about chinese name. Went on to recount how many people have already forgotten her name and have resorted to calling her Chai.

Isn't it kind of sad, when you're only known by your surname?

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Sometimes I feel so hypocritical, and so selfish. Somehow beneath all my actions I seem to feel that I have a hidden agenda. As much people may say I not, I present them the argument. How can you tell what a person is truly thinking? How do you know that people do not have a hidden agenda beneath the very nice thing they're doing for you? How are you so sure that the person is just so good at hiding things, then one day poof you realise that its all part of his hidden agenda? Maybe every action has a hidden plan behind it.

Perhaps this line of argument may seem absurb, but maybe those who help others are also doing it for themselves. Would they help others if they derived no joy, happiness or satisfaction from it? Is anyone in the world so kind as to help someone/ do something voluntary if one truly derives nothing, either intangible or intangible from it? Or maybe theres a positive and negative side to selfishness.

Oh how sad life is if I'm so suspicious of myself others. Perhaps I should be less suspicious of myself. Let the once/long gone innocent me resurface again and allow me to trust everyone. But can we truly trust everyone? If we could, why is it you hear so much about political backstabbing and stuff. Why do people change? Wheres that innocent person in everyone? Does it really exist?人之初，性善还是性恶？能分辨吗？我们终有一天是否能摸透一个人的内心？当你认为你已摸透了他的内心，他是否还另一外人从未见过的内心？

Find the hidden agenda to everything I do. I think you can. Its not hard. Or is it? Maybe I've just shown too much of an innocent and friendly face.

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Whoo Auntie Mei is back! Now finally I've got back my flute tutor! Rosalind Tay I can finally have a chance to own you......NOT. Seems like a technical impossibility, at least within my lifetime.

Still I was quite surprised how quickly I managed to change my embouchre and get relatively used to it in such a short time. Maybe tmw it'll go out of shape again haha. And I'm also surprised to realise that perhaps I haven't been utilising my diaphragm as I thought I had. This is bad. At least now I have a tutor pushing me. Physically and metaphorically.

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At this rate, I'll have to change my msn nick from [hcband <3 zx ] to [hcband <3 panda] liao

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And I'm officially in love!

with Incantation and Dance! [haha scammed you didn't I] I think Incantation and Dance is totally awesome. Out of the non-lyrical modern pieces, this piece is really the nicest I've heard so far and I'm putting it on an endless loop. Ok maybe not the kind of endless loop that Edwin does, but maybe 1/3 of that extent? <3>

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I feel accomplished having just crapped finish my CSE Term Paper. Which I took 2 days to do. If I still get a higher score than most people, which is rather impossible given the amount of time put in and that it still looks like a long essay, CSE people should just bow to me for my sheer sheer luck. And awesomeness. But this is just all self-delusional no? Cause it won't happen.

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I'm suffering from BWS(Band Withdrawal Symptom). It feels odd to be home, finished bathing and that was after lagging about BPP, by the time Band Pract usually starts. No more late night practs, and less chances for dinner-ing around with people.

This may sound sadistic to some people, but yes! Pract's starting in 2 weeks. Then after that it'd be really quite cause we really don't have anything to do.

I wish that we can preserve this drive that we had for SYF and transfer it to everything we do. Every small performance we undertake, every new song learnt, every concert that we prepare for. That would make our concert's awesome. But I wonder if we have the time.

I'm not sure what possessed me to draw this image. Can you see it?

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Ok shit as much as it seems faraway, somehow blocks seem very near. Like Shizz its only 3 weeks to the end of school! Thats super fast. That sort of means 3 weeks left to do GPP. OMG SHIZZ.

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Above was the random collection of thought. Whoo randomness.

I think I'm nuts.

SYF

2009-05-05T21:04:00.002+08:00

Well... I don't think I might have the mood to post this on Thursday, probably either too happy or too sad. And not tomorrow night cause I should sleep early! Still I believe I should dedicate something to the band, which has given me unforgettable memories, at least for my 2 years in JC.

I think we've come quite a distance. Even just within the last month after exchange, after the very demoralising sessions by Mr. Leng, I think the band has sort of picked itself up and headed towards what we deem as the best we can. I can feel the spirit that people have, the effort that people put into practising, especially in the last month. Its an intangible spirit and vigour, and although people are honestly tired out having to juggle work load and SYF, I think its very heartwarming to see that people are putting band on a higher priority and coming for band practs as much as possible. And to see the band pulling together as one and working towards the common goals. Whatever we get on Thursday, I don't think I would bother anymore. What matters to me is that we tried our best, and that we touched the audience in our own special way.

Does it really matter what the judges think? While it can be, should it be judged? When we look at music, should we look at the emotions is express or focus on the technical aspects? Music can move people, touch people not because rhythmn and articulation is properly done, but because it can potray emotions and feelings that words cannot. Music can paint different sceneries, images and feelings that words cannot describe. Can words describe the excitement and energy of a stampede? The vibrant energy of the sun? The calm feeling of a sunset? The feeling of longing something? Maybe it can. But music seems to present this image right away.

I think JC band honestly has been a truly enjoyable experience. Normal practs, late night practs, Leng's crap talking during full band and sectionals, and of course the new friends I've made and new friendships I've discovered. I think what has made band so fun all these years is largely due to friends. The company just makes it more.. interesting? I think its one of the few times in life where I didn't mind staying late for pract or doing self pract, because it just holds so much attraction for me. The music, the love for it and the friends. Maybe I'm just not very good at expressing in words, or maybe it can't be.

Maybe going out on meals with the band made it easier for me to bond with my seniors, for a start. At least it helped me to get to know some of my seniors better, or get on talking terms with them. Laughing along with the band, and going through all these practs. I can't really say that we have very strong bonds, but I guess its a start for these friendships, even if the seniors are leaving soon. At least I get to know more people who I know who are as, if not more devoted to band than I am. The experience with them has been very fulfilling, something... that would not make me regret joining band, but love it even more.

As for my batch.. well we aren't as bonded as I had hoped to be, but its a start? At least I've made some new friends with the nanyang people. I hope that our batch can continue to be even more bonded as the days go by. Which isn't much left, about just over a year? No point if the band falls apart after the seniors leave. I seriously hope it doesn't, cause company is what keeps the love and passion of the CCA going.

I guess within my section... things are fine? Quite fun I guess. Maybe not as high, but I'm not one to say since I'm not exactly the highest one. But I think still feel quite out of phase with what Ros and Pei San are talking about sometimes. Lets hype people! And make the next year of band an enjoyable and interesting one!

The past few months have been interesting, fun and I think some people made it even more special. Even if your name isn't mentioned (under the assumption you even read my blog) do know that I'm thankful for your support and your role in making band a more wonderful and interesting place.

Flute Section! Of course I have to thank my section. Without them I don't think I would have enough people playing for me to cut out the parts I can't play! And being a bundle of joy, even if i am the SECTION SLAVE, bringing flutes back and taking food for you guys. And sometimes not understanding your jokes, or being a burden by being off tune and stuff. Whenever I go off-pitch I always turn to look at the front row to see either Kai Xin and Pei San looking back since these two are slightly more sensitive dangerous off tunes. Maybe Ros does too but she doesn't give much reaction. Thanks for the feedback given to me to help me improve my playing? The scetion has been enjoyable, and I hope the next year will be the same and equally fun!

Edwin Ang! Wow you receive special mention huh! But I don't think you actually visit this space much anymore. I think I want to thank for you being a good friend. Even if I recently just got closer to you, but I think I appreciate and treasure the friendship between us. Ever since last year you've given me some form of encouragement for all the problems we faced. And this year and talking to me and letting me know more about you.

Liang Sai and Cynthia! OUR MWOs! You know you love them! I think they've tried their utmost best to support the band in every way they can, and providing as much welfare as much possible. Like Liang Sai going out all the way to buy apple pies, egg tarts and pizzas. I think they were very good comfort food. And even though he always suans me, I think he doesn't mean it. OR DO YOU LIANGSAI. And Cynthia always very friendly and probably very ready to lend a listening ear.

Shi Min and Irene! BM and ABM. I think they provide their support in their own special way. Irene through her very funny and lame antics sometimes that crack the band up. Like the Swine flu one. And also must thank her for helping me buy my mortal present! Heehee. And Shi Min always nice, friendly and sets a very good example for the band to follow. Even as the band was demoralised, I think she made a good honest attempt to supress her own stress and present a smiling face to the band. I think this form of encouragement.. went far in at least motivating the band. And the fact that she can balance work and band is something very respectable.

Various other seniors! Their enthusiasm never fails, yet even while being tired, still find the capacity to look out and care for others. As the role of seniors, I think they played a role in making truly enjoyable.

My angel and mortals! I think their letters were at the least something worth looking forward to. And I had fun tracking down my angel! Well even though they already know who I am/already know who she is, letters were always something fun to look forward to!

Only 2 more days to go.. Lets move and play as one band, one sound! Let the audience feel our heart, emotions and be touched by the music that we will present!

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It's actually quite obvious you like her you know.

Your actions are pretty telling, theres not much point in hiding it.

So maybe you should just admit it?

Or am I just reading too much?

...

The new generation of teachers

2009-05-04T21:06:00.004+08:00

But so do I...

Like many other blogs, this blog is facing a huge lack of updates. For those who were on the brink of striking this place off as a dead blog... A post has arrived! Not much about my life, since my life is pretty boring. Maybe I can talk about how I slept during chem test, but thats secondary really. No one really bothered, cept Jin Hao who was "wts"ing at me finishing my paper when he just finished the MCQ. Haha xD

What I've realised is that... This new generation of young teachers are indeed very different from our previous late 30s - 50 year old teachers. Good or bad, thats up to you to decide, but these teachers seem to present a different set of values different from the previous generation. Their lives no longer revolve about the student.. as much. Not that they completely don't care about the students, but theres much less emphasis. Being the youth-ful new generation, I think that they still possess traits of the younger generation. That still wants to live their lifes to the fullest in the most enjoyable way they can. Or maybe the older generation wants to, but rather the younger generation is much more willing to express their emotions and feelings to the class. Ok I can't really put it in words, but this generation just feels different. More willing to express themselves in the way they like it, regardless of a stereotype of the teacher.

Then I think about how students always complain that their teacher sucks. But maybe sometimes we should put ourselves in their shoes. How would you like it you go up there and your class 冷场's on you? Do you really think you have what it takes to make the lesson more interesting, exciting and interactive? If you honestly think you do, go up there and take the lesson. Then you can come back down and tell me. They're just doing their job. I know, some may not be exactly the "OMG-BEST-TEACHER-IN-THE-WORLD", but at least have some faith that they're putting in effort. Even if the person was a student before, times have changed, you can't expect them to fully know what students want. Or even if they did, what students want may be completely irrelevant to what they have to do. Perhaps if they had a choice they would do it differently. But maybe they just don't. So give it a rest.

FML

2009-04-15T22:13:00.004+08:00

This hasn't been a very bright week. And it's only been 3 days. Yet somehow I'm down, though mostly I believe its from SYF. I feel extremely inclined to shout "FML!" really loudly in the middle of nowhere. As a form of release, though the feeling sort of disappeared after dinner. Cause there doesn't seem to a person who can understand ALL of my worries. Some are nicely addressed by close friends, but some still go untouched. Maybe I'm strange in the sense is that I'm not actually looking for encouragement, though this certainly would help. I seem more inclined to a find a person who would whole-hearted-ly agree with my negative view points, my insecurities. I doubt this person would exist since I personally wouldn't go around confirming all your insecurities. Or maybe I just need someone to provide me with a solution, feasible workable and direct solution. Yea that sounds better.

But as much as I'd like to shout "FML!", I realise its kind of pointless. I should probably mull over it for one night, then got on with it. Since shouting "FML" will not:

1) re inflate my handphone charger which was very nicely squashed and render-ed useless.

2) have all the CSE notes, points and examples to flood my head and stay there permanently.

3) improve my tone over-night.

4) improve my self-esteem.

5) rejuvenate my body.

6) make me any happier.

Before you rejoice that the optimistic-zongxian is back, or tremble in fear that the optimistic-and-thus-extremely-different-zongxian is back, calm those feelings. Because he isn't back. What has just appeared is merely one who has almost resigned to fate and decided to opt more practical methods to getting out of his problems.

Band, though essentially fun, has suddenly become more stress. Maybe we really won't get our gold. I'm not being pessimistic, but I'm being realistic. Today's rehearsal wasn't all that great. Are we expecting too much? When reality hits us, will we cry and lament? Or we should just take a step back before it hits us? Or should we just rush forward with all we can, and accept it when the time comes? How much can we all afford to put in, before we crash and burn? Will what we put in be enough? Will I bring the rest down? Burning questions, yet I don't think there's anyone that can answer it.

I used to think I would have the energy to do it. But 2 months in JC have sort of changed that opinion. Really we're starting to get physically tired. Or maybe its just because I'm crazy enough to be aiming for at least a B in promos, when others are aiming to just pass promos. I don't really have the vigour as I did at the start of the year. Its starting to die down.. And for one that wants to keep on task with work, its actually ever-growing. Starting to lose the driving force, and hell its just been two months.

Speaking of which, the past 2 months... haven't felt like 2 months. They felt more than that. Its hard to believe that merely 2.5 months ago we're still having fun starting orientation, and oh look! its now 2.5 months later and people are already shouting "FML!". It feels so long ago. Time passes when you're working hard doesn't it.

On the bright side, at least the largely-female populated section seems quite fun. Or at least I'm opening up to them, if ever so slightly. I guess at least they're quite high. But this whole month and my lack of interaction with the other band members have made me realised.. That I was never actually super close to band members for the past 4 years. Except maybe one or two, and its only recently that I feel it. So sorry. Seniors were treated with apprehension, juniors treated as slaves. Sigh what a sad relationship it is. So maybe the next two years I shall strive to be closer to band members. In general. Not what you're thinking, Edwin. Starting with my section. Hopefully I'll become more attached to band. I wonder how many band people actually know of this space.

Perhaps theres something to do with self-esteem. Perhaps my unwillingness to open up to band people.. could be due to self-esteem. Its not an impossible theory, and I'm sure some people will know my level of esteem in band.

But what everything seems to have confirmed is that maybe.. I'm really just weird. Plain weird. As much as I dislike it, "gay" is not something uncommon used to describe me. And no one can ever actually explain it to me. Not that I would actually change my actions that drastically even if you did tell me, but at least let me know. Being weird I guess doesn't help in first impressions. Many people say I'm nice, but its kinda hard to get past the first impression. Maybe I'm weird but nice. Strange huh. But somehow it hurts.

Perhaps you have been confused, by how my logic works. How a person can stay in something where his self-esteem is being underminded, though largely by his own thinking and little to do with others. Its strange, I have to admit my logic. Sometimes I can't even justify why I do something.

To people whom just found out that this space existed, i.e. band members. Do tag and say hi?

Though at this point I would like to thank the few that have been encouraging me thus far. Thank you Edwin, Ee Ning, Eunice[whoo lots of E], Jin Hao, Pei Xian and Ying Ting and my class mates through their subtle encouragement and providing laughter to at least release some stress.

Wasted, no?

2009-04-13T17:22:00.002+08:00

Hard-working. Responsive to customer's needs. Quick to action. Service with a smile.

Sounds almost like your ideal your service sector guy right?

Gambler. Ran away and currently no where to be found.

Super wasted, no?

What a single vice can do.

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So now our class has further shrunk to 22 people. And I'm now officially the only person in Artemis taking CSE. Sigh the next two years might be slightly stressful and boring.. It seems that the only function of Desmond and Geraldine, sad as it sounds, was to give me my dream subject combi. Then leave me along. Gah.

On a brighter note, PW groupings are out! I'm glad to say at least my group is quite good. There's a nice balance of people in each group. Its so obviously not randomised. What random generator will so qiao separate up the main cliques of the class? Haha. So darn obvious. Oh well at least it will promote more communication within the class.

Debbie. Ee Ning. Guo Yuan. Zhong Jin. Whoo lets go! To a wonderous year of doing Pointless Work.

And congrats to my section member for her wonderful PW group. If she even reads this space. Actually its only that 1 person. Its quite obvious who haha!

Cynicism

2009-04-07T16:42:00.002+08:00

First off.. Really thank you! to all my friends through the encouragement on the tagboard. I think this encouragement.. will be useful in driving me when ever I feel low again.. So really thanks alot people! Though there exists a counter-argument, lets not ponder on it. At least my impression of myself is not as bad as I thought it was.

Thank you!

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I don't.. really know whats wrong with you. You're generally nice, but your cynicism towards them is appalling, confusing and seemingly irrational. Why? Is there a reason to dislike them so much? Are they that hateful? Must everyone fit your ideal person for you to like them? They've already stayed pretty out much of YOUR business, so is there any point in still harping it?

Your close-mindedness is so irrational. Just because you can't take it. Shouldn't you be happy for them? After all they've made good, must you put them down, dig all the nitty-gritty details and say that some illogical has happened? Can it not be that they've actually put in effort and deserving of it? Must you spread rumours and your beliefs to others, influence others about what you deem to be the gospel truth? When its not?

Every time I see you now, I'm reminded of the silly cynical remark. I can't take it. As someone from there once, I can't take it. I feel insulted. As I'm sure many people would. I find myself avoiding you. A convienient excuse existed to leave first presented itself. Thank god.

Please. Keep your cynicism to yourself. It maybe your character, but please don't spoil the mood like that. Don't exericse your tact selectively.

STJ!

2009-03-30T01:32:00.004+08:00

I'm posting now because.. of PW. Super sian.

It felt more like a class outing really. Since we almost outnumber juniors to seniors 2:1. And my table was densely populated with juniors. Not much interaction between juniors and seniors I guess. Still it was a free meal. And pretty fun with class mates though. But Hua Peng quite stone and quiet today. Hmms. I wonder why. And getting pulled to neoprints and wasting 1 buck.

Hopefully more of these events can happen! I'm starting to love this class for everything else. Even those I didn't exactly have a good impression of at first. I guess everyone has their merits. And I'm starting to accept everyone.

With regards to acceptance. These few weeks somehow I've become extremely conscious of what people think of me. I'm not sure why. But I'm quite curious as to what people to think of me. Its definitely different from what I perceive. Perhaps what I'm about to hear may not be nice, but I think its also a good time to see what others think about me, and why. Sort of a reflection session, in a sense to allow myself to understand others better? The truth may hurt, but I think this time I'll take it properly. Because sometimes.. we need to know the truth.

So as you leave, please give some serious thought. And leave a word/phrase/sentence on what you think of me on the tagboard. If you deem it too nasty, drop me a small note on MSN.

Thank you?

Bane of your life

2009-03-29T11:40:00.004+08:00

Alena and alot of other seniors: PW is the bane of your life.

Well.. PW has already became the bane of my life before it has even started.

Good job us.

What does PW actually train us to do? So many seniors have flamed it for its pointless-ness. Maybe this year I shall understand it.

Now if my PW group mates were reading this and realised the time posted, they would realise this was the time I was supposed to be doing that stupid PI.

Teehee

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Very obviously I won't be able to take his place. And I wouldn't want to. But I hope to help you as much as I can as friend xD

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Is it normal... when somehow I talk more to girls than to guys? Or have I once again just proven that I'm seriously abnormal.

Life in the doldrums

2009-03-20T21:52:00.003+08:00

So as you can see.... this blog is half in-active, partly my life has been boring since the last one except for the CT outing and BSP fac gathering. Yea probably the only interesting things to happen to my life this holidays. I mean you wouldn't want to hear about my boring rehearsals right? Or lectures? Acads are hardly worth blogging. Its interesting to note though, that getting a B in econs places you in.. the 13 percentile. Thats quite crazy. While a B in math places you in the 85 percentile

Though this is the first hols that I've started work on Monday. But I'm gradually..losing my energy to keep the drive moving for five days. Hence I'm blogging now. To waste some time.. that haven't already been wasted by reading manga. Ahaha.

And yes I'm typing this when I'm supposed to rehearse for tomorrow's presentation. Cause I realised my Chinese sux and I can't even pronounce words properly.

BSP facil gathering! Was half spent in the rain, getting my clothes and shoes wet. Now I really should get a pair of canvas sneakers. I don't like the feeling one bit. Feels darn disgusting. And just because we decided to go Cathay to get the gifts does that mean you have to rain heavily and cut off any sheltered route to PS or MRT? Totally sucked. Told you rain was only nice when you're indoors.

Of course, we must thank Zhi Kai for once again lending us his house! Though I didn't get the steamboat I envisioned, but still it was very fun! Ok slightly less cause somehow everyone's quite stressed about mugging and even decided to mug for awhile! Before tempted by Zhi Kai's Wii. Quite said he didn't have guitar hero though. Haven't played for quite long.

And of course we mah-jonged! With Hui Hua being quite lucky alot of times. And teaching Tong Jing is hell, but not as hell as when she sits beside you and she starts WHACKING YOU REALLY HARD. Because she can't pass some lousy handphone game on Ervin's phone.

Facils owe me money. Alot. Alot alot alot. Second to Zhi Kai. Next time a-round I'm not paying first. Rather owe people money then people owe me money.

And CT Outing.. was totally worth the trade off from mugging. Seriously, screw mugging, outing is so much more fun. Ok maybe next time we won't go Sentosa cause its seriously freaking ex. At least got place to play soccer and volleyball. And our class frisbee is still with Hua Peng. Ok next time we go ECP, then we can cycle all the way down to Changi and back. Ok maybe people won't have the energy to do that. But that 30km ride is really quite fun I think.

And haven't had the chance to have sporting fun, even though I suck at it, for some time. Ok lah I admit I suck at sports, I think alot of people know that and have seen that. Like Meiling saw me trying to chase a ball hopping on one foot. But... if you're so conscious about self, then how to have fun like that? So just let your hair down, cause people are just going to take you for some crazy fool on the beach and ignore you.

I just sometimes wish that our class would stop separating by gender and stop creating random scandals that don't make half sense at all. Though you say its the fun in it, but maybe I just don't like it haha.

Wen Hao's joke of the week during Founder's Day rehearsal : "Uh.. chicken how many legs arh?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow I'm still .. not getting enlightened. Maybe I'm that unappealing. Maybe my change is drastic. Gah. Everything seems to different, and I fear even to border on treading on your toes. The road onwards seems.. scary. I'm not sure how to proceed. How? Anyone tell me how? Seems like hoping for a miracle.. looks like it's gonna wait for a long time for that to happen.

Of course I'm not being direct. I'm trying not to be direct.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

And as over the years I realise.. that I'm just too weird. For most people. My actions, thoughts and impulses are seemingly abnormal. Or maybe my lack of control over them are. But somehow I don't fit into any general psyhical stereotype of your average male. Sometimes even I can't justify some of my actions, maybe I'm just AA. Just this really weird person, wired differently. But should I conform? To fit your general stereotype. Maybe I just lack the things needed. But while this is a stereotype, theres nothing to say I should fit the stereotype. Maybe I've just been feeling something like a mis-fit all these years, here and not there. I'm not sure. Maybe that's why I border on the thoughts of sacrificing on inner self just to conform. But is it worth it?

Maybe stereotypes are just there for you to defy.. then you just wait for a new stereotype to form around you.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Isn't it scary.. when you have more confidence to other than you have in yourself? What does this lack of self confidence stem from? Is its from understanding of yourself, or actually from the lack of understanding from yourself? Maybe we should ask ourselves how much we really know about ourselves. Maybe we don't really know. We don't know what we're truly capable of. How many can stand out there and say "I know what I can do!". Honestly I can't say so for myself. Maybe thats why I constantly demean myself. Sometimes it does take someone from the outside to look at you and tell you "Hey actually you don't suck".

----------------------------------------------------------------

Yea this short post somehow has alot of "maybe"s.

As we sink into the general hum-drum of life

2009-03-07T21:56:00.002+08:00

JC has started for three weeks.. And I've felt busier than the first two months of sec 4. Expectations increase, teacher's teaching speed increase, minimum quality demanded increase, random school events increase, price for canteen food increase. Seems like the only thing that hasn't increased is my intelligence and my pocket money. Even weekends don't feel like weekends. Quote Kaleb,"extended school week". I used to slack all the way during Saturday, finish everything on Sunday by 9 then still get to digress in between. To waste your time at an event even when you know that some works needs to be done. Now.. not so. Gone were the slack days huh. Watch as the year progresses and Zong Xian turns into an even more mugger turtle.

Hello JC, Goodbye slack life.

And as time passes on I wonder if I might be able to cope. Since the start of the year I've missed more band pract than I have for the entire Sec 4. And its only been two months. Wow. Total record breaker. Things keep popping up, and as I try to keep up, more things happen. For good or for bad, but still takes time. Now I wish for 24 more hours to spend, and its not cause I've been wasting my time.

But slowly, its getting more and more natural. To rush here and there. To sit at class bench, and only move when the bell has rung and you know the classroom is quite far away. Sitting, chatting as we while our time away. Buying things from fishtank even though its obviously scam, cause you know JC food sucks. To walk with your CT over to highschool at any opportune moment even when its burning hot, because the food there is so much better.

And the CT bench, I seem to love it. That brown, shaky wooden bench, somehow has some intangible attraction. I want to run there, sit down and waste my time. To feel the cool breeze, and as it blows the notes from one end to the other faster than you can say, "WTS?!". To say "Hi!" to your other friends as they walk past, or as you spot them at the class bench so very near you. Its fun, enjoyable. I'm not sure if people feel this way, but I know I do.

JC is much more exciting and more fun. At the moment.

---------------------------------------------------------

Dramafest... wasn't really much honestly. No nervous, jumpy feeling before a performance. After all, how much would you feel for a job that would require you to just put a carpet on stage? The job scope requires a mere brain cell, of which I qualify because I have two.

Sorry to be discouraging, but I never really thought we had a chance of winning. Somehow our script seems abit our of touch with our less sophiscated audience. Though the sexual innuendo that was present all about the play at least made it worth laughing.

But the interactions between were slightly interesting I guess. Though I hardly call spending 5.5 hours, once again for a carpet, interesting. At least I got to know some more people, though these bonds are about as long and brittle as a glass noodle. And I'm also armed with a few more lame jokes.

"If restaurants are superior goods,

And hawker centres are inferior goods,

Whats KFC?

-Finger-licking good-"

Watch as we all pray to Jonathan, god of lame jokes.

-----------------------------------

I wonder if all can cope, to live through this and get what we want. Can we really get what we want? Or is it just a believe that you can get what you want, even though its completely out of reach?

As time passes, I question if I really have talent for music. Or if I truly love more music or its just a cover for the continuos look for cheap thrill.

-----------------------------------

In life.. we all want to be happy? But can we be happy? How to conquer them? Perhaps I've to look out.. and up.

I wonder..

2009-03-01T19:16:00.003+08:00

Fac CIP was fun I guess? Walking around wasn't though. But in the end we got a slack job, so I didn't mind. It was fun after all, working with people, laughing with them, attempting to smear paint on them. And Eunice's asthmatic laughter is really quite funny.

Went off to Bugis to eat dinner after that. And realised (ok actually I already did) that its only been two weeks, but cliques are already forming all around. Its that normal? Or we just need to take time. Some people just stick to others.

There are some people whom you've just met for 3 mins, and you can talk forever.

There are some people whom you've met for three days, then talk on MSN for the next 5 years.

Then there are some people whom you've know for 3 years, yet hardly can manage an interesting conversation for 5 mins.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Somehow... I think I'm in some cold war or something with her. Maybe I'm not. Probably not. But still. Slightly confused. Maybe thats her usual self. For one I definitely realised I don't really know her enough. Over-intepreting isn't helping much. Somehow there seems to be an invisble barrier of communication.

Or is it that I've changed? So drastically? I'm not sure. Do I really act differently? Treat people differently? Talk differently? Is a change of mindset that bad? Maybe its just nothing. I'm just being retarded, nonsensical and pointless. I hope its nothing.

Sigh.

Fearfearfear.

Maybe you could enlighten me.

Some good random fun xD

2009-02-22T23:20:00.004+08:00

School's been ok this week I guess? Being tired from nothing. Can't imagine when "something" actually occurs. Dramafest work is starting, no idea whats happening actually.

Since I'm feeling random, I'm posting random pictures from my phone. Warning, might be disturbing. Very very disturbing.

My paparazzi skills at work. Swee Kiat looking awesome. Haha!

The very bored me sticking pencil lead found at the 7G bench into blue tack that Mark found.

Pulling Waifoon's hair during OG outing yesterday. The girl didn't want to get up.

Attempt at Mashimaro. At least I was just being random then my sister decided to take a picture of me. Ya this is the disturbing bit. Now you shall have nightmares!!

My sister unglam pic as she eats her dinner.

Feeling so random.

Fac Dance!

2009-02-17T19:55:00.003+08:00

Ok has been quite interesting so far, at least more gets in than mass dance cause they drill it. And I'm probably the only guy in the class who doesn't mind dancing fac dance. Other than Jin Hao maybe.

Artemis Fac Dance!

Are Fac Dance! Actually I think the Ares Fac dance REALLY is nicer.

2008:

2009:

Loved the starting for last year's Ares Fac Dance. But I'll still love Artemis!

Cause Artemis rox!

CAMPFIRE!!

2009-02-15T09:49:00.007+08:00

The true highlight of Orientation: Rev-it-up 2009! The atmosphere there was really great and high, everyone's shouting and cheering the lungs out. Even with the faculty competitions going on, still it was great. Singing all the schools songs with the CT, and doing all the random mass dances. Though I sucked at dancing, but hey at least it was fun!

And once again... S61 carries the tradition of winning the inter-class CT flag, for the fourth year in a row!

Our class flag! Kudos to Tian Ci for coming up with the design, and everyone else who helped, like Ee Ning, Eunice, Mei Ling, Debbie, Mengke, Guo Yuan, Yijiao (for the gradient of the moon!). And of course me! That was shameless. Gretal is currently being hidden by the flag.

Yi Zhang looking cool at the side lines.

Group photo! With not everyone there of course. Desmond was forced to miss campfire.

Group photo at Campfire, with the addition of a few people from other CTs. Oh wait i just realised I'm not in the picture. Where the hell was I?

Full class photo at Botanic Gardens!

________________________________________________

Ok while Under Pressure was quite ok.. Compared to "Tiptoeing through the tombstones" I thought it was still quite different. Maybe the script was too much slapstick and too lame. Slapstick comedy for 1/2 hour is fine.. but 2+ hours might be abit too overboard. Very strong emphasis on BGR throughout the entire play. Though we did pay careful attention to ensure that Nicole and Heng Yang were always beside each other and isolated from the group.

________________________________________________

Yea, perhaps as Ee Ning mentioned, our class isn't very high, with the exception of Yi Zhang when he hits zi-high mode. Its only been a week and I hear random stuff flying about. Gah, I hope the next two years will be interesting and fun

s61!

2009-02-11T22:33:00.003+08:00

Whee I'm in S61 with a very cool subject combination of CSE CME, with only 2 other people sharing the same combination. So lonely. Ok lah at least Geraldine and Desmond look like nice people.. maybe abit too quiet.

Yes our CT should be more hyped up! Yijiao doesn't seem to as high as usual.. or maybe this is her usual school self. Two years with our class, I hope it's going to be a good and fun bunch... Lets hope.

I shall do well for CSE! Mr. Teh was quite funny I guess, since half his lecture was filled with negative connatations towards China. I will strive and work hard and make sure I don't die! Math already looks slightly confusing at the first lecture about Binomial Series. Lets hope that S61 hypes up along the way, so that the next two years will be fun! At least the people are starting to open up, and Ee Ning and Eunice are relatively high-er. Ok I shall have high hopes for S61! We will win CT flag on Friday!

No one was as stalker as I thought and went to track my blog. Not even my OG. Just as well I'm too lazy to blog-hop/blog these few days.

And somehow, its seem thats its only after OG orientation that our OG starts to get more high. While it was random, playing those games in Fishtank were really quite fun and amusing at the least.

OG31! S61! we will rock on! war games tmw!

-ok actually i'm just still too lazy. this blog is turning more and more like a diary. maybe it was always one from the start-

Orientation!

2009-02-07T15:06:00.005+08:00

The past week has been high, action packed (relatively) and extremely fun. At least for the last two days. OG31 finally managed to hype up by Thursday, and the rest of the two days had been fun!

Wet activities were really quite fun, getting thoroughly wet but enjoying the entire activity at the same time. These five days really helped to bond all of us together, and for 5 days, I think its been really fun with our own share of jokes, especially with Timothy the joker, it has been a joy being in OG31.

First OG dinner on Thursday, while it wasn't exactly very high, dinner was interesting. The OG dinner on Friday was far more fun, as people open-ed up to each other and more willing to do stuff. Like the strange dares of calling Ma Hua Qing up just for the fun of it, and freaking everybody out with the ghost stories of hwachong, since our OG dinner was carried out at clock tower and concourse. Somehow it was better than eating outside I guess, since there was more space to make noise and play games. Try not to order KFC next time though, its darn fattening.

And it told me not to judge people by their first impression. Honestly I didn't really have a good impression of some of the girls for their lack of high, but I think throughout the days we all began to warm up to the group and some of them are really quite high. And how fun the games were sort of made it easier, like Yihong wanting to play in slippery slope despite her allergy to soap, and a few others despite personal inconviences. And particularly Bing Kun I think. My past four years with him had been sullied by very bad memories, but this past few days have changed my impression of him. The next time I tell people not to niao Bing Kun, I mean it.

Back shot of OG31 after OG dinner on thursday as we walked to 7-11 to get stuff for marianne. really blurry, since basil's and timothy were using phone cams and the lighting sucked.

Must also thank the very enthusiastic lady who helped us to take the photos, and being a very nice artistic director and helping us sort of find a nice backdrop to take photos in.

It's only been 5 days, but I hope that we will at least keep in contact for the next two years and beyond. As Jason puts it, its fate that we're together, so that lets treasure this rare opportune moment that we were all allowed to meet each other.

Chay Choong. Nicole.Jie Yi. Bing Kun. Yihong. Tommy. Jessie. Yu Qi. Basil. Grace. Zachary. Zhen Yu. Eliza. Jie Qi. Melvin. Li Ying. Sandra. Celene. Sheng Qian. Yen Jin. Heng Yang. Melissa. Wilford. Timothy. Yu Chi. Wai Foon. And our dear OGL Marianne. Presenting to you, OG31. Ya once again, I left out someone, who never appeared much. No points for guess who it is.

WHOO OG 31!!

One more week with CT lets hope its fun. Class list and combination seem to be extremely messy and not exactly confirmed.

Confused

2009-02-05T23:33:00.003+08:00

Naturally, with only 10 hours to go before course selection closes.. its really the wrong time to be confused about subject combination. Perhaps I should just be like everyone else and take PCME? With not much of a clear future and clear course for university in mind, CSE CME is not exactly what people would call a "completely safe combination". Just hope I took the right choice in taking CSE, and hopefully I can pull through the next two years and get into something in Uni.

Too young? Just nice? Too late? I still don't know what I want to do with my life.

Wondering and wandering.

No way!

2009-01-19T19:18:00.001+08:00

Now I'm supposedly not allowed to use phone in class, even for checking time. Tell that to me who doesn't even wear a watch cause I've managed to spoilt a few and its not through rough behaviour. And I can't sms in class either! Thats just sucks.

And the teachers there look gloomy, at least the math teachers. Frowning so sadly like its almost half torture to be there. This kind of mood affects student you know..

The bus ride back..

2009-01-16T22:00:00.002+08:00

The bus ride back was... awkwardly quiet.

Knew she was upset, yet didn't know how to cheer her up.

Didn't know what to say, to break the cold awkward silence.

I guess I'm just not good with words.

Perhaps I should taken the first step, to do something.

Always so reactive.

Just didn't know how.

Sitting next to each other, yet felt so far apart.

It was nobody's fault.

I think its just plain unlucky that it happened then.

At the wrong time.

Let's hope next time will be better.

I'm sorry.

Why do I apologise when I claim its no one's fault?

I don't know.

Perhaps its to make me feel better.

Or I'm just guilty of really not trying.

------------------------------------------------------

Saw a sad looking man on the bus today. Not sure if he was really sad at that time, but the knitted eyebrows, frown and sagged cheeks seem to show that he was unhappy. With something. But I believe, if you think sad, your face will show it. If you always think unhappy thoughts, your face will always look unhappy. And an unhappy face isn't a nice one to look at.

So I shall think happy and be happy. Because I don't want an unhappy and ugly face.

To Smile Always.

Is it mandatory?

2009-01-15T12:08:00.003+08:00

When you're out at a chalet or anything, then maybe you sit by the sea or stare the nice clear night sky, are you obliged to start thinking about stuff? Baifeng walked away to the sea to think abit, and all that happened to me was just lying on the stone table looking at the stars and listening music. Can't really say anything went through my mind, maybe the squeaking from the rats running between the two dustbins sort of distracted me.

Perhaps thats why I'm slightly happier during the holidays, cause maybe I have less to think, to feel sad, to trouble over. With less to trouble over, I become slightly more cheerful. Thats probably what developed that optimistic mindset, though it has been interesting. Maybe when school starts everything comes back again and revert back to my oldself and then Yijiao and Pei Xian will stop freaking out. Or perhaps it's all been temporary, my little sad self, cause many people like Baifeng still see me as a very happy-go-lucky person. I think so to, I'm rarely actually very sad about anything, and if I get any failures I usually just.. smile it off.

Maybe thats why I don't give good advice. Cause my method of shaking off unhappy things might seem slightly too simple for people to believe it or want to try it.

So I'm a very happy and cheerful person xD

I like the holidays, because there are less troubles to think about. More time to just stone on the bed, to just relax and not think about anything.

---------------------------------------

They say three's a crowd, but there were 5, yet it felt so lonely, quiet and boring.

Being alone in a room full of people.

At chalet...

2009-01-14T04:41:00.002+08:00

Yes this is, in my opinion, a pretty no life post about my whats been happening. Just plain narration's kind of boring huh....

Today's Night Cycling... was screwed.

Stopped 4 times before even leaving ECP, with Eli's, Raash's and my bike screwing up, and Ivan losing his handphone which there isn't much hope for getting or finding it back....

Then.. Along the road, I slammed into Baifeng, gear problem. Chain flew out after that, Dah Wei's brake broke, amongst other things. The bikes Thomas rented totally sucked..

Thus a short update about my life while I'm waiting to bathe.

----------------------------------

Meeting some people sort of shattered my ego. But I shall not bother, cause I know they won't care about it actually.

No one can ruin your day without your permission xD

one!

2009-01-12T15:40:00.002+08:00

ONE! 1! 一! 1つ! 1개! Uno! Un! Ein! ένας! Um! одно!

ONEONEONEONEONEONEONEONEONE

'Nuff said xDDD

4D3N chalet can be very tiring

2009-01-09T21:39:00.004+08:00

As we speak I'm really quite tired now, even after sleeping for 6 hours in the comfort of my own home. And 2 hours after waking up from that nap I'm still tired. Probably popping back to sleep soon. But while its been tiring, it has also been quite fun and interesting. Though class chalet wasn't as high as I expected, but oh wells, keeps out boredom, promotes bonding blah blah.

Sometimes I wish that chalet's had more beds though. The past few days, for the minimal amount of sleep I had, only 4 hours had been on a proper bed. The rest was the sofa. Sometimes I wonder why I stay up so late when things start to get sluggish around 3+ 4.

1st day:

Band Chalet! Met up with a few of them at Pasir Ris, then took bus down to Aloha, even though it was the bus for Coasta Sands caue only Liu Zhen and Edwin got on the Aloha bus. Then some decided to walk there. Quite a deep walk in, esp when you're hugging a mahjong set that Liang Sai thrusted on me.

Played Mahjong, then we did Maths! At least only Lionel and I. But my brain fried halfway so I couldn't finish the papers much, getting insane 8 digit answers that didn't make any sense at all. While we were doing maths, some of the seniors managed to teach Shi Min and Germaine mahjong, so we had more people to play mahjong with. Ate then we went to play Taboo/Charades. Quite fun lah, see all the very agitated actions and words, must comment that YiYi was quite imba though, managed to get the word out very quickly. We even went to charades for movies, advertisements and even band songs, since everyone one there was a band member.

Celebrated Yong Jie's birthday, though guarding the candles was a huge task, since the wind was strong, at least 6 hands was trying to block the wind to stop the candles from going out. Then Lionel and I watched Disaster movie, which in our view, is the worst parody movie ever. Do not watch, the parodies didn't even make much sense.

(Day 2 would technically start somewhere around here)..

Then it was back to more Mahjong! ahaha. luck was pretty good this time, managed to win quite a few times and even one 7-tai win! Peirong threw the tile for me, so if we were playing money it would be 25 bucks for me! probably my highest win ever.

Pong pong + ban se + Tai Feng + 2 huas. Ahaha

So.. we played from 3am -6am, while the other seniors having some 'heart-to-heart tallk' that was pretty amusing haha. Peirong sounded interested enough to even want to start one on the table, though it was quite lame. at 6 we went to get some sandwiches, and the wind was blowing quite hard and it was quite freakin cold. Went back, sat on the sofa and slept for awhile. Like about 1/2 an hour before I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, no good place to fall back asleep. So I did this to the mahjong tiles:

Quite a few people couldn't sleep either, like Judy with her runny nose. Actually made another one that was perfect square.. but didn't managed to take the picture. Walked for breakfast at Macs, everyone moving rather sluggishly... Then we played captain's ball! Kind of fun lah, hadn't played ball for a few million years.

Order KFC, then epic thing happened!

20 mins after we ordered KFC

"Hi, I'm sorry to call, but we're currently experiencing a power failure. Would you like to continue your order or would like to cancel it?"

Ownage.

Rushed down to Tanah Merah, only to find that the bus is so small, it cant fit the 40 odd people waiting over there. So we decided to cab down, pretty cheap I guess, 6 bucks for 4 people, so its only about a dollar fifty each. Then follow Wen Hao to airport to meet his sister's friend. Dunno why I followed, I think I wanted to see T3 but never really got the chance to. Just lagging at the basement eating, then went back to chalet. Saw them play mahjong, then took a bathe since I last bathed at 1am, then took a short nap that left me rather shorted out still. Wasn't much to do, until XC came back and I helped him to cook dinner. Though the pathetic kitchen had no scissors, which was quite retarded. He's a pretty good cook though.

Guess what next! Mahjong. Whoa big surprise there. Ya I played quite abit of mahjong these few days. Everything got sluggish, nose bleed, watched some 二级片, but was relatively uninteresting and fell asleep at around 4+. What I'm pissed is that we got woken up by those people that went night cycling when they reached at about 6+. Bloody samuel was strumming the guitar when people were obviously freakin sleeping. At 8+ i went upstairs to kope a bed and managed to sleep until 12+ wakaa.

Played pool with SK, though my shots were strangely inaccurate, and I blame the cue stick which I believe wasn't exactly straight. BBQ after that was pretty good, with XC, justin and Joon Fai handling the situation most of our food was pretty well cooked. Ms. Choh also brought her cute son, had abit fun haha.

High light! Night cycling! Quite fun, though I couldn't seem to feel the existence of my gluteus maximus . ECP -> Suntec -> Cenotaph -> running amok around central/clark quay area -> Plaza Sing -> Orchard Stretch -> Holland V -> Sixth Avenue -> School! -> Serene Centre Macs -> Newton -> Serangoon -> Kallang -> ECP.

Might mention that Newton was a complete ass and we needed to carry our bikes because of the round-about. And I completely didn't understand the route from Netwon to Kallang, just followed through, following the leader. By around 4+ I was quite tired was just cycling and thinking much about nothing else. Though I missed my bed haha. The second half the journey was much quieter than the first half.

Got back, slept for 20 mins after bathing, cleaned the house, returned bike with that ass of a 2.5km walk back. Plus I lost 1/2 my sandals, the good ones, so I'm quite pissed also. Now I have half a pair of shoes. Forced to go home in slippers

Surprisingly for the past 4 days, the thought of going of the computer completely didn't surface, much different from previous times. Just wanted to go on Mousehunt though idiot Jay wouldn't lend me his laptop

-looking forward to NYPS P6 chalet on tues-

C is for completely shagged

Disappearing!

2009-01-06T09:26:00.002+08:00

For the next few days, I will be around Pasir Ris and Tanah Merah having four days of fun! And since I'm not bringing my laptop I can't do a single thing. No internet anw, or rather not much.

And go watch this movie! Its a very nice movie!

Its !! PONYO! haha

Good movie with very good orchestral music, composed by Joe Hisaishi, composer of Princess Monoke, Spirited Away, Howl's moving castle and many more!

First day of OHNINE!

2009-01-01T22:49:00.002+08:00

Was spent overnight at Liu Zhen's house playing Wii, Mahjong, and random high speed rhythmn games with J2 seniors that will make you laugh uncontrollably. Maybe thats why the J2s seniors are sometimes more fun, cause they dare to do crazy stuff.

Then slept at 3, woke up at 8.30 with a runny house then Xiang Jing, Jason and I proceeded to raid Liu Zhen's entire Wii games collection, which i believe to be about 30+. Some of which were quite boring I guess. While Liu Zhen and Edwin proceeded to sleep until 12.30. Liu Zhen was a great host, cause his house is so free. Expected from someone living on his own I guess.

A new start of the year, celebrated with friends of mine. I shall look forward to a year, hopefully a more positive year that will make me high, though I'm slightly dreading JC life, and sometimes would just rather return to high school life. After four years, I'm getting that feeling of "OMG WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL".

That day I went back to high school to give 'seniors pep talk', very rush-ed-ly called down by Liki at 9pm the night before. I think as I shared my experiences, suddenly thought alot about hwachong, and how much there is to, and I have learnt from hwachong, apart from the academics side. While we flame the school for its innane policies and admin sometimes, I think we just cant remove hwachong from our lives. Others may not agree, but I think my friends and community in hwachong have made it so memorable that I do feel that the school has become a part of my life.

Tong Jing's new mantra of "endless energy". Looks very appealing and very high, very apt for her character. But somehow I think that "endless energy" is something quite hard to achieve. After all humans have their limit. And shes one of those who can also suddenly laspe into some strange unforetold emotional phase.

Tmw is extreme random day, where a few of us will go early to school to disiao NCC just for the fun of showing them "ha I'm from JC" Anw band pract at 9 so doesn't really matter much xD

Thinking back..

2008-12-31T10:39:00.001+08:00

I think perhaps its time for some thinking back on my past life, this year and perhaps the previous few.

On the whole, this year has been fairly interesting, no? This year passed pretty smoothly except for a few major hiccups, though I think last year was a better year. Somehow last year just felt more enjoyable, more relaxed and perhaps in higher spirits. This year perhaps was slightly more dark during periods of high tension and stress, breaking into random dark thoughts that apparently Yvonne might claim to be "emo", but those obviously are not.

Academics this year obviously has been a major contributor for stress. While I do have to thank two of my greatest teachers, Mrs Chua and Ms. Choh, the former for her strict, yet oddly enough rather amusing teaching methods. And to Ms. Choh, I am really grateful for her supports to only to me but to the class. Her care and concern for students I believe has gone beyond the normal scope of teachers. Or is it that teachers are supposed to care that much for students just that most teachers don't reach it? Haha. Or perhaps they don't show it. As for Mrs. Chua, without her teaching, my chemistry score this year would be much harder to achieve. This would be the first year in academics that I believed I actually worked so hard for exams, though during revision period I actually feel asleep quite a few times, and most of the time no information entered my mind. I still firmly believe that scoring well is essentially paying attention during lessons, no matter how dry the lessons are. I have done that for four years, and it has been proven to be far more efficient then burning the midnight oil to 2-3am. I will not be like some people and claim that I'm not happy with my results, like some people do like "Wa sian I didn't get my 1.00". No, I'm actually very happy and thankful for my results. It has gone above my expectations, not within my expected calculations.

Seemingly on a bright note for the year, this year has actually been one of my more painful years. Because this would be the first year, where there were times I actually dreaded entering band room, to see people I have no little or no wish to see. This year, I have seen myself drift apart from my two good friends in band, after obvious disagreements, reactions and doubts as to why they even ran for the post. Though things have largely blown over, I still feel that something is vastly different. The silent arguments and cold war have disturbed the good air of relationship. I have to say this, but honestly I felt that this ExCo didn't exist at all. Partly because we didn't do much, and my appointment perhaps came as a surprise to all. And my inability to produce any substantial, believable and feasible results probably cause this. There were times I felt so useless, and I think I still do. I have let down my band. Looking back, there were so many times that I could have done something, but I didn't. I had ideals, somehow.. I just didn't have the heart to make them come true..

But after entering JC band, I see some of my seniors change, or perhaps I just never knew that side of them. But I realised how much can be done, its just whether you want to do it. I begin to see my seniors mature and I begin to respect them alot. They, subtly have, motivated me to be more focused, and now that I put joining the ExCo out of my mind, perhaps I can contribute better...
But its also because of this that this year is filled with so much regrets. Perhaps I slacked too much. Ok I slacked too much. Band, SL and other stuff, I don't think I put my heart into even fulfilling the basic requirement, believing that smoking will get me through. Too much undone stuff, all hindered by my inability to set things right, take priority, procrastination. Somehow, I just didn't want to face the truth to start on the work, because deep down I believed it would already fail. This closed mindset... Spelt doom, in a certain sense.

I think I've learnt quite some things this year though. Some.. interesting life lessons.

Used to be inhibited by my own self-consciousness. Ok lah, I still am lah, but I realised that it was really stopped me from doing some things. Then I realised, that people don't care as much as you think. No one actually cares about how much you look, unless you look very wacky and odd. No one actually cares when you play a wrong note, because we all do, and we can't be bothered to actually criticize you. So sometimes.. Just do it. You’ll feel much better. If you try something, even if you do fail, at least you tried. Don’t try, then regret as to you why you never did it. So its better to try. If one becomes too concerned about his ego, then we realise that we are actually doing so many useless things, just for the sake of ego. Its because of ego, that we suffer so much trying to keep it.

Throughout these years, I’ve also learnt that the world is actually so big, and what we know is so very little. Everyone has a different piece of knowledge, something that’s worth learning from. Out of the 6.5 billion people in this world, I’m only one. Everyone is so different and unique, yet we’re all living on the same place, breathing the same air. So perhaps we should stop the believe that we know a lot of things, cause we don’t, and we need to go out there to experience new things.

MP attachment gave me this chance, even if its a small community. No, who cares about all the community dinners. What really was interesting was the MPS. I think from there I learnt things about other people. I wonder why people do certain things that don't seem to make sense to us, seeing completely nonsensical actions coupled with absurd reasons. The MP did say something interesting though, "Although you cannot help everyone, but as long as you have helped one person, as you put your head on your pillow tonight, you can tell yourself that you have helped someone and made their life slightly better"

And because its all so different, everyone is unique. Different backgrounds and many diverse thoughts. As I interact more, there are people that I’m just not used to, but there are some that just click with you. Not everyone can talk with everyone. But because we don’t know everyone, we are very… susceptible to bias. That’s something I learnt. Humans are just too biased, ignorant and pass judgement base on the little they know. Sometimes I find myself just so biased against others, just because I’ve heard a little bit about them. When the person has done nothing to me. The destructive power of spreading rumours is so devastating, sometimes I just have to close my ears to all these and just work with what I have observed. Because the person may actually click with you. And some people, after more interaction, you start to peel off, layer by layer and analyse who he really is. Maybe he really is a nice guy, maybe you’re neutral to that person, or you realise that the person is completely off frequency with you. I’ve witness some unhappy events, which I believe has a root cause in prejudice and rumours.

Rumours also tend to create such a negative impact because of human's nature to exaggerate, and that everything can be viewed in two ways, because theres a fine line between two things. So bias will cause people to report the negative side, without knowing everything, spreading negative stories. Then people process these stories, maybe spread it, without even knowing it themselves.

Interesting thing I've learnt is that we actually need school. For the friends, for the interaction, the crazy mugging sessions, working together and the social bonding. And to make holidays seem so much desirable. Whereas the point of holidays is to consolidate that social bonding and friendship, and also to make school seem more desireable because sometimes holidays are just so boring..

________________________________________________________

As I gradually open up, I think I begin to realise how useless the internet or computer is as company unless its with friends. The old my used to my hogged up in front of my computer. Old habits die hard, and I still am, to a certain extent. But I do enjoy the company of my friends over anything. Although I don't really have a confidante yet, but I'm starting to believe in my friends, that they will at least offer me support when I need it. Never really used to think that way, since I didn't really believe I had close friends. Then I realised that friendship is such a special thing. I really believe in fate, with regards to making and meeting new friends. Thats why now I cherish my friends. And I try to stay by my friends if possible, because friends are worth caring for.

And here I would like to thank the friends who have stood by me, or the new friends I've made that have brightened my life, away from the dull of the computer and into a whole new light and life. Some of my classmates for their company during and after classes, all the random gatherings around we had that were planned on impulse, you've given me wonderful memories that I shall remember for the next few years. My fellow facils, despite knowing each other for a mere few months, and having only technically worked together for 2.5 days, I think it has been thoroughly enjoyable, interesting and made my life after june hols slightly more interesting with more things to look out for. And my old classmates, primary or secondary, have been nonetheless pretty entertaining and supporting in the past 4 years.

And also throughout all this interaction that I've learn more about myself. About my own morals, and the priorities in my life. How I would usually react to certain things and remove whats not good. There are also things that I've discovered that I don't like about myself, so perhaps its time to change them. Like my constant spewing of expletivies, english or hokkien. So anyone whos around me is now entitled to kick me whenever I swear. The pre-requisite is that you must swear less than me. But only a few people don't fit that requirement.

"Overlapping shadows a feeling that seeks out strength
Even though i may trip and become lost
I'm not alone.

Even the sunset picks up and shines tomorrow
And lengthens this shadow that unites two hands

At the bottom i find you crying again
Your heart is sensitive and has become broken

Put down the load you're carrying
And seek out a new you
I'm always here, and this hand isn't the only one

Overlapping shadows, a feeling that seeks out strength
You may trip and become lost
But you aren't alone

Even the sunset picks up and shines tomorrow
Lenthening this shadow that connects two hands"

Inspired by this song. Speaks so much about friendship, about caring for others in the darkest moments. If it doesn't make lyrical sense to you, it shouldn't since this is the japanese translation.

And I realised that this year I became more helpful in some ways. I guess its a good sign, being more helpful, and being slightly nicer. Or maybe its only to people I'm less familar, for the sake of creating a good impression perhaps? Tried to help as many as I could, since I seem to derive some joy from helping others, though sometimes I don't think I seem to have done a good job, quite haphazard. To those I've helped, you be the judge. I hoped I was helpful. But either way, I think helping others seems to create good karma for me.

The next year shall be brought on with fresh new energy, and new optimism with more positive thoughts. New life, new school, new friends. I shall look upon the new year with optimism for the first time in 6 years and strive towards a better future

This sounds like some farewell speech doesn't it?

-坐在我的井里，从井口看出那辽阔的天空。随着天天的成长，长大了，懂事了，井口也变得更大，看得越多。但比起那辽阔的天空，我能看到的也只不过是那一小部分。但有时外面的世界看多了，便得更伤心，有时觉得呆在井里较好。-

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T10:25:00.006+08:00

Hmm its the time of the year again. so fast eh. And Weisheng is 16 years and 1 month old! haha.

Christmas Eve was quite.. interesting I guess.

Supposed to go WCP, but woke up to a rainy day. Rather I go woken up by Pei Xian when I was sleeping so soundly. Couldn't go back to sleep after that. Pei Xian decided to shift location to her house to play Mahjong, and we had such a hard time finding people to come. Reached her house at 12+... played Mahjong all the way. Mahjong luck was really quite bad. Only won three times yesterday. Damned that wenhao who kept winning with 5-6 tai. So thank god we weren't playing money, or I would be officially broke. Yijiao left at 3+ when we went to pick Yiran up. And haha we managed to teach Yiran mahjong! At first she said she didn't want to learn, but at the end she was kind of hooked on it, and kept asking us to play faster so that we could play more. And I think she's faster than Yijiao. Then Yiran left so early! After 1 hour. Peixian's Brother's friend subbed in, but she didn't managed to win anything. This was also the time that Wen Hao did his 6 tai-zi mo win. And at least I managed to win one last round.

After that we kept calling people to ask them go out for dinner cause.. 1) Wen Hao needed to go Suntec to collect his specs. 2) Pei Xian didn't want to eat at home cause her parents not in. 3) I got pang-seh-ed by my parents. But didn't managed to call anyone, cept for Jun An who needed to rush of to somewhere else again. So while Pei Xian was bathing, we played memory card game that even though I was winning at first.. Managed to reach a draw at the end.

What happened later was alot of walking from City Hall MRT to Suntec to Marina and back to Suntec. Ended up eating at 9. Which I think is quite late, but never mind. Bought some chocolates for gift exchange. Ha went to Bakerzin for dinner! Cause we spotted this set meal they had for 13.80++ Quite cheap for a Christmas meal. Then the rest was talking all the way to 11 when the restaurant closed, then taking MRT back to the west side.

My Dinner! Hmm the blueberry italian soda not very obvious. And the soup sucked.

And the very nice dessert we had. Quite liked it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN!! HAHA

Philyouth Concert

2008-12-23T23:50:00.001+08:00

Ok lah, it wasn't too bad. I shall blame everything on VCH acoustics cause everyone knows it sucks. But I think I understood what Leng meant by that they were a blasty band, given the volume I was hearing all the way at the back with one block of cement blocking half the sound.

Seems... slightly more motivated to join Philyouth next time, though the flute solo player would be perhaps.. a far place for me to reach. But I shall try. Maybe I'll make it, or maybe I can't.

Interesting: We saw Fiona Xie! Lol. After concert we decided to pop to macs to eat, then we saw Fiona Xie. Jun Jie was quite dao and didn't really care much, though she was sitting right opposite us. But before we could take picture she sort of left then we didn't really bother much to go chase her for pictures. Then Liu Zhen and Jason were going on about how they should like go kope the plate/wrapper/tissue paper that she used then go sell it.

Haha sorry edwin, I blog more about a 5 min occurence than about your 2 hours concert. And I still owe you 12 bucks.

Yes I know my blog is facing a horrible lack of updates. Cause thats how boring my life is, and I don't have much opinions about anything.. cause half the people on the internet is retarded, theres nothing much worth commenting on that.

Amusing

2008-12-16T23:08:00.002+08:00

"I am appalled by the following article which describes how a group of students had killed a frog brutally. One of the reasons why these students are so cruel is probably due to the violent electronic games that are very popular nowadays. What do you think your comments?"

This is just so amusing. Spent 30 secs just laughing like mad. No, I don't agree with the killing of the frog, brutal or not, I think its just wrong to kill something for the fun of it, since you're neither eating it for food nor is your life threathen by that small frog. What I am amused about is that.. why everything seems to be linked to video games.

Ok, I know its a standard to write this in your chinese essay since we have to sound pc and stuff, but honestly I don't think it really has that much of an effect, if any. I know dozens of people who play games like GTA, perhaps CS, or any other games that include violently cutting up that guy or blowing his head off and seeing all that blood flying around. But I think most of them do not even have the slightest inclination of taking a chainsaw and going around to run down people. Or torturing poor animals. If it was an adult who did that, would they say that it was due to computer games? Are you sure only teens are susceptible to being affected by computer games? Don't put all the blame on violent computer games and say that is part of their fault that people turn so violent, and harm little animals. Then what about violent movies? Shouldn't they have the same effect? But you don't see many people kidnapping people and decapitating them.

random funny vid

2008-12-15T00:18:00.000+08:00

I found this video, perhaps you've watched it, but its just so god damn hilarious

Yiran's house gathering

2008-12-13T10:01:00.002+08:00

First of all, thanks to Yiran for lending us her house! Though she doesn't read this blog, so I personally thanked her. Loved the swinging chair in her house, its like so fun to sit on it and just sway around watching other people do stuff.

Since I lived so near, I popped over to her house earlier to help out.. only to find that there was nothing left to do and I was left stoning around in her house for quite long. The 1/2 hour before we left the house felt...so slow and monotonous. At least got to kope some sushi.

After which got called down to Westmall because Bojia had no money. Luckily they didn't rent any movies, if not I would be broke. Then they tried to rent some movies at this rent-a-movie station or something.. The choices were fairly limited, and the application process was funny as hell, since Wen Hao's IC somehow couldn't be read. Wasted 20 mins, to get a random dance-based movie that nobody was actually watching cept Qian Ye because the first 10 mins totally turned us off. And the "Day After Tomorrow" that Ervin brought was apparently in Spanish with completely lousy English subs.

But most of the time people were either playing mahjong, or in Madeleine case, playing Cooking Mama. And Patricia was damn lucky in Mahjong, won like so many times. I only won once or twice I think. Must be because nobody patted her on the shoulder, everyone else kena whack by Weisheng or random people.

Stuff I made was overcooked, didn't really like it, and alot of people didn't eat much either. Still quite abit of extra food that was left and Yiran was asking people to bring home. Obviously no one did. Which reminds me of the watermelon that Wen Hao and Yijiao bought which didn't taste like watermelon, more like watery fibre.

Around 9+ my body crashed and became tired for no apparent reason... but after I reached home I became surprisingly awake and managed to talk to Yiran until 1+, which is an astounding acheivement.

To the next gathering! Which would probably be like in March. Waiting for pictures from Josh.

Out of the house again...

2008-12-08T23:19:00.002+08:00

Hmm hadn't been out for quite sometime, the past few days have been quite stone after Noel. Ok technically its only been two days, but yea.... Outing with friends haven't been much frequent.

First time K-ing in like n number of years! Moderate experience, at least it tells me i should avoid K-ing cause I can't sing very well, and I don't actually know alot of songs. Probably only westlife songs and some english oldies, after all I've been hearing at least 7 years of it, and my sis has almost the entire complete album. And avoid K-ing if there are too many people I don't know. Try to keep this a secret xD And I think I almost spoilt my throat, trying to hit high notes and obviuosly went off pitch. Pity I can hear its off key, but I just can't seem to fix it

But seriously got pangseh-ed by alot of people, from the original 7-8.. we were left with a mere 4. Wen Hao, Xin Yan, Yijiao and I. And didn't really talk much with Xin Yan cause I hardly even know her. Both of us were early, since Wen Hao decided to wake up 20 mins before meeting time, and Yijiao had to cook for her brother. But we totally dao-ed each other. And waiting for them was actually quite sian, since Kallang MRT doesn't have anywhere nice to sit. Perhaps I should have just stayed up at the platform and read my books. So yada. Yijiao then tried something damn lame like:

"Xin Yan! This is Zong Xian!"
"Zong Xian! This is Xin Yan!"

Orh. Kinda realised that didn't we xD. At least Jun An decided to join us 3/4 way so at least had one more person to sing with. Tramped off to Bugis for a pretty ex dinner, since there wasn't anything at Katong Shopping centre cept maids and $4 chicken rice. And perhaps I should have taken Mrt back with Wen Hao. Wrong bus stop + Missed bus, by 10.40 I just reached Panjang. Sian diao.

Tried to find work through Pei Xian, but it doesn't look very optimistic. I think I haven't found job largely because.. I'm actually too lazy to do so. Maybe rely too much on other people. And now with 3 weeks left its kinda pointless to find work for 2 weeks then end up only working for 1. Maybe.. I'm really just too lazy. Should slap myself, but probably too lazy to even do so. Life flows by without much of an aim...

*floatfloatfloat*

Looks forward to class chalet and NYPSP6 chalet. Cause that seems to be the only few things left waiting for before school starts.

Hohum.

Noel'08!

2008-12-05T10:15:00.002+08:00

SIMPLY LOVED IT. I think it was really good, and actually quite worth the six bucks right! The songs were actually quite good, though I think for Machu Picchu we've actually played better before. Hey! But at least people recognise that Machu Picchu is actually our best song! Not like some GL friend of Yi Kun's who thinks that Threnody is the best piece. Hmm Yi Kun's friends are just as strange as him, with Yi Kun's random fetishes including.. Shall not mention.

Now I'm really looking forward to the next few concerts and SYF with JC band. Believe, that there will be hope. Maybe we might get our GWH next year?

And as usual, not much of the percussion section was seen in the instrument moving process. Haiz. I think quite alot disappeared. And for another, most of the girls left immediately, like my very dear SL. The only girls that bothered to stay back were just a few, mostly holding exco positions. Sigh. So begins the long trip of shifting instruments back. But at least we had the juniors to tank the chimes down from audi to truck and from truck to SALT, so that saved my life. And at least there were more people than Luce, which had only a mere 10 people shifting everything back from Audi.

And I think throughout this few months, I've seen our seniors have changed, or maybe I just noticed them. Either way, alot of seniors become more mature when they reach JC. Maybe its just time for us to be slightly more mature. Leng always complained about how the High School Exco has no intiative and what not, and how the JC people have more initiative despite coming from the same school. Maybe we do change alot.

No pictures sorry, but thanks to Raash, Yunyi, Baifeng, Jun An, Kuan Yue, Wei Qi (though actually you should be performing lah horh), Pei Xian, Yijiao, Madeleine, Ying Ting, Zhi Kai and Eugene for coming! Haha come support us very fun right! Plus its such a good concert!

Quite excited!!

2008-12-03T17:30:00.002+08:00

Concert's tmw! The feeling is so different from Scherzando two years ago, where the day before I'm just thinking, ok we're screwed real badly, and listening to the recordings after the concert totally proved my point. Ok added fact that two years ago I saw JC band play and I was completely wow-ed cause they really sounded very good. Ok now I'm in JC band and we sound good! Haha

On Saturday, I heard Leng say something that I've never heard him say at all, partly because High School Band isn't really that good and struggles to do simple pieces. He said that, "We're ready for concert." That's really rare coming from his mouth, that we're actually up and almost beyond his expectations for this concert. Considering that we only had 7 weeks to prepare. And today he further added that Machu Picchu sounded nice (also something quite uncommon)! Yes high hopes for concert tmw!!

Sick!

2008-11-28T21:07:00.002+08:00

And completely hating it. Been clocking alot more hours then I usually do.. like 10+3? Thats a hell lot longer than my usual 7. And sleeping at record early times like 10+. As I am typing this I'm telling myself that I should go sleep. Like really soon. Maybe in 10 minutes. Probably sick since Wednesday since I slept all the way from Dhoby Ghaut to Liu Zhen's house. Thursday just got worse and today really brought me down. Chest pains and what nots. Definitely should sleep soon.

And found out the power of Facebook in social networking! And finding people accidentally. Managed to find one of my really old friends, and she really looks different! Not surprised since the last time I talked to her was in P3.

SLEEP NAO.

OH, and come for concert!