There's this sudden peak in my musings. but nevertheless I must write. Many thoughts have floated across lately.

It seems to be back to the same old days again. Waking up early, running around, sweating in what would usually be my PJs. Having the push myself daily, sometimes to points I don't want to. Days where it feels like I'm going through the motion.

Its slightly different though. SCS is actually a place where people mostly want to be there, or want to aim even higher. If they said enhanced leadership batch was a bunch of highly motivated individuals, its even more here. Ok there are your general chaokeng people, but there, the general populous seems more enthusiastic.

As I look at my training, I wonder if it is truly for me. Would I regret my choice of putting 'yes'? Leadership in the army doesn't seem to appeal to me. People might say that command school/army is good for experience, to experience things that one would never get to as a civilian. But things like, shooting, loud sounds, running around, sleeping and getting wet and muddy? There are some experiences I could do without. In fact, looking back at BMT, I didn't really enjoy the sessions that were army related. Urban operations, field camp, I look back at them with distaste. Ok maybe not distaste, but they weren't really.. fun?

I've already lost of my thoughts from tuesday. It would suffice to say that they were negative feelings, constantly questioning my reason for being in SCS. Some of that negativity seems to be dispelled (wrong usage). The first few days were very much spent keeping to myself when there was nothing to do.

I suppose there are still things to learn from NS. If only there was another platform to do so, without all this rubbish. Like out door sports.

Sigh.. Mixed feelings. I hope I wouldn't regret the day I put yes. I wonder what made me write 'yes' that day.