Complete Incoherence

So a year ends. Suppose this year was rather.. eventful, at least for the first half. Now I've actually reached the point where academics won't play such a dominant part of my life.... at least for now.

Over the past year, I've suppose I've learnt about about myself, and how others see me. About my weakness... maybe not so much my strengths. My skepticism still holds such that I don't see that many strengths in myself. Not much of a true idea what I'm good at. Somethings perhaps can only be perceived by others. But I'm reminded of something my friend once said (in a completely different context though). "Strengths are relative". So what exactly is true "strength"? I don't suppose its any use asking other people, "Eh what I am good at?". I find it hard to accept that somebody's answer might not be a PC answer and it's something true from the heart. Ah well.

Skepticism towards any praise.... is it good or bad? I've always had the notion, and I know that about myself, that when I received praise, I tend to become complacent. Yet sometimes without encouragement one does falter, ever so slightly. Sigh humans are contradictory creatures.

And as with all relationships over time, some have changed. Some for the better, some for the good. It seemed naive to think, on retrospect, that some relationships would only improve. I'll take blame for some of them, that its my own silly fault that they faded. Whereas some... I suppose after awhile, you realise whats holding this friendship is not exactly one that's strong.That could just my problem again, not trying to find something to keep it going.

Or to look at another perspective, is friendship only manifested when there are active actions? Or does it lie more in the passive actions? Like the ability to sit next to someone and not bothering about the awkward silence. It's time to look deeper. For all I know, my best friends are the ones who never talk to me. But call me shallow and simple-minded, I'm not one to read people. In this aspect, I'm quite stupid.

There seems to be alot on my mind, yet I can't phrase them coherently, mostly cause they're contradictory. As seen above, its not very coherent. I can't really understand what I'm writing. It's hardly pensieve, which was what I was aiming for.

Tomorrow, my ezlink card goes from two beeps to one beep. Maybe its LTA telling us to grow up, move on, and start earning our own money.

The new year holds many wonders... starting from how I look like with no hair.