10 days in New Zealand!

Flying off in 6 hours..

And please buy my concert ticket. You know you want to. Its a very nice concert, featuring HCSB! So Go! Not like I can pass you the tickets anytime soon though..

28th Nov, 7.30pm, only 8 DOLLARS at HCJC audi.

GO NAO

Or how bout this, you pass me 8 dollars, and i'll throw in a ticket for free! Free tickets, how bout that.

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One sided.

But I just can't forget.

I'm not ready anyway.

I'll just hold it in.

And wait for my reprieve.

After A's.

Because I know.

Nothing will happen.

However, as I toyed with the idea of writing this completely made-up obituaries complete with a news article, I pondered. What would people write or say at my funeral? How would I be remembered? How did others perceive me? Its definitely better to have more people, different people see things differently. What would they write in my obituaries? "Dearly missed"? "Good riddance"? Its something interesting to look at I think, whether be it heartwarming or surprisingly shocking. Then you think about why they say that. While asking people for their comments now would be obviously interesting, however, its better to get it at the real one. Difference being you're dead, they feel more free to say anything cause you can't do anything. However, downside is that you probably couldn't tell either, so yada. Maybe theres a spirit lingering after all those, but since that can't be proven.. so.. Hmm. But still, I'm interested to hear your replies. So to all readers that know me... Post your epitaph of me in the tagboard! Or msn me. Of course, I shall take everything with a pinch of salt due to my skeptical nature of almost everything.

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Its strange there theres this invisible, uncrossable bridge between us. Its been almost 2 years, yet I can't seem to forget what has happened. Its so much chaos. Maybe that rift set us apart for the rest of the years, maybe in the future even. Perhaps we will never be the same. Perhaps we've lost that innocence that we once shared. Now we approach other with courtesy. Too much courtesy. That real meaning in communication is lost, and borders on senseless, pointless interactions.

But bordering on courtesy. Isn't it strange how the closer we are to a friend, the more un-courteous we can get? So you can see a cycle...

Un-courteous (totally hate this guy) -> Courteous (is a friend) -> Un-courteous (BFF)

Of course the connotations of both ends of the spectrum differ, but still its an new look at relationships.

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I think America is just a farce. Stop trying to promote a better environment, cause if at the end of the day you're not gonna take concrete measures to cut your emissions, then don't bother asking others to, cause you've no right to lecture others what you cannot do yourself.

The point is, no country will willingly cut its economic profits to save the world. Humans, in the end, are still selfish and creatures focused on the present. Because if they try to do anything to harm the economy, the ones that suffer first will be the poor. Because the rich too powerful to offend. And when the poor suffer, you think they give a damn about 'the future of the environment', when they can't even see their own future? This happens everywhere, and thats why seeking for countries to make big cuts on the emissions is a lost cause as long as there is an income disparity and economic progress is the main focus of most, if not all countries.

Its something I'm strangely proud of. Cause I love fish!

To demonstrate....

Image a fish thats 22cm by 5 cm long.

(following images may be a tad disgusting)

Now... we look at the fish. After dinner.

To prove that I didn't just heap the flesh on my plate. These are the bones.

And if you thought I ate that with my family.... no. We all decided to have one fish each today. So that.. dismemberment was done by yours truly.

Ok now that was truly random.

My sis: Say Hi to gorgor!

Cousin: No! *turns away*

Bloody hell I'm your senior, at least give a basic courtesy to say "hi", even if its completely dead. But no.. she was super high when she said no. Idiot. Couldn't even be bothered to comment cause she does this everytime. And I can't be bothered to play hide and seek in that small house with her. Whats the point.

And nobody said anything. Maybe we're all just used to it. Maybe compared to last time she's better, that i don't deny. She seemed to have escaped anything, partly apathy, partly cause she's a kid. Which looking at kids these days, seems to be rather flawed argument. Kids are gradually less innocent, and their young minds are actually capable of things you don't imagine. Another cousin has been caught for forgery. Age: 7. Why at my tender age of 7, 'shit' was still a serious profanity. Here is a kid that knows how, even though badly, to forge a signature. The concept itself is alarming.

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Been reading the news lately, and somehow I get the impression that America is having too much on its plate. While it has served the role of being the world's regulator for so many years, isn't it time that they let the role to others. And maybe others could stop expecting so much of America, like the recent removal of the ICBMs in Eastern Europe, with outcries that America no longer cares. America is now stuck in so much stuff at home, and still expecting it to serve the world. Actually when you look at whatever Obama promises, somehow you get the feeling that he's not going to be achieve all. Not just the promises for health care and economy, but also the green energy industry and all the bilateral ties. They laud him for his promises, as he "constantly reaffirms his commitment" to so many other things. But if nothing gets done, what's the point. Theres just too much on his plate, and face it, hes a human with 24 hours. But somehow when you promise something you just got to do it, or people flame you for the lack of credibility and lack of ability to produce results. Perhaps its a rather myopic view of mine, after all he got voted into one of the hardest jobs in the world and he's expected to do it well, but still, he's a human. And one of the things thats stopping him, in my view is actually the Congress.

Yes democracy is a good idea, but one of the problems of democracy is the time taken to implement any policy or table any bill. Because everyone has the right to be heard, and in the time taken to consolidate all the views and appease everyone is, in my view, a waste of time that could be used to better do something. Many of the debates are merely ideologues, with people insisting that their view is better or more beneficial for the masses. This takes time, and since more issues are controversial, the debate process would be long drawn, and end of the day, the decision still doesnt appease everyone, and people will criticise these policies.

People flame authoritarian regimes for the disregard for human rights. But thats merely one facet of governance. If a government can quickly enact policies to serve the masses, then it has done equally well, if not better than a democratic government. Although given that these policies may be thus more flawed since there is less consultation. Of course governance is all theoretical, there is no such thing as a good government system. But ultimately if the people are happy, then i don't see why the government system is flawed. But being humans, when we're filled with our basic needs we start to think, then we lobby the government to give us more. Yes lobbyists. Where money buys power to influence the government. There's no government thats impervious to influence, and i actually fear a government thats influence by the masses then by selected individuals. Because the common masses, harsh to say, are dumb. The tyranny of the masses, is a scary thing.

At this point i decide maybe to stop, cause i realise if i was looking for a career in public service... I'd be so dead HAHA

Then you pause. What do I reply? How much do I actually know this person? What WILL I DO in such an awkward situation with him/her? And you come to realise that you don't really know this person very well.

Replicate this to your entire friend list, and theres probably a high chance that you'd be stumped for at least 50% of your friends list. However the point is not about how you aren't really close to most of facebook friends.

What really makes a true friend then? This probably isn't something new, I think I've visited this somewhere, somehow. But this random thought struck me. Or maybe its not so random. But back to the point. How many people are you actually close to? Or these people just mere acquaintances? How are you sure you're really close to them. Because friendship is a two-sided thing. You're never truly close to someone unless they too, feel close to you.

How many friends do you have out there, who completely understand you? Or you completely understand them? Ever stared at your friend and think, "What is he talking about?" Of course there could be worse feelings, but lets just leave it at that. Or to have a friend that you completely relaxed around. Maybe its just me, but its not easy to find friends that you can sit around, to have a silence that isn't awkward, or to not take conscious notice of his/her existence. Perhaps its just me being oversensitive. To not take conscious notice of his/her existence doesn't mean that I don't care that the person is there, but rather I don't mind doing anything cause I know he/she wouldnt bother. Maybe there are more people than I thought around me who does that, but maybe it isn't obvious, or maybe I'm thinking too much haha.

But to use this a strict judge for whether the person is a true friend may be too rigid. If thats the case true friends are really rare, perhaps 1 in a 1000. People, with their diverse views, there will definitely be times that you don't understand/care what they're talking about, but to just nod your head and show interest goes a long way to cementing a good relationship. Take interest in your friend's life, and they will, sooner or later, take interest back in you. Or maybe its just easier for me to be a listener.

However, because you can't read minds, you can never truly tell what a person is thinking. The truly perceptive may be able to, but the pessissmist in me believes that there are times where what you perceive may not be what they're truly thinking. Men, after all, have many faces. How can you tell which is which? And when you are confronted with a story about what the person has done outside, you start to wonder if the person is truly who you know. Or that what you've heard is just a lie. Faith in your friend is good, of course, but isn't more painful to be betrayed by someone you trust? But at this point there lacks a litmus test for real friends. Other than the day of relevation when something happens and you see who deserts you and who sticks by you, there is hardly any before to judge who is a real friend. But having said that, its not a good idea to go around distrusting those around you. Because it ain't going to be building friendships, and when it comes to crunch and everyone deserts you, it just fortifies your belief that true friends don't exist, and the cycle goes on.

Perhaps its better that we receive some form of affirmation.

Perhaps as we grow older, we will understand what makes a true friend. Or perhaps its better to make friends now, where we are more innocent then what we could be in the future. But at the end of the day, which would you rather settle for, a few 'good friends' or many 'just friends'.

But yet I'm seeking some form of attention. I'm not sure. But I find it.. hard to find any joy in anything. And I'm not looking for any encouragement. Or at least the usual ones, because somehow its just so predictable that I've decided to switch myself off to these comments. Somehow... my life seems to lack something, but I'm not sure what. Maybe I hope my friends will care, but somehow I just can't put it into words. Then I end up closing myself up. Till no one knows whats wrong with me. Maybe I don't really know either. This isn't helping me either, I know what it is like when someone reaches out to you and you refuse, because I've tried to reach out to others, only to get a cold reply. But... I no longer seem to bother with that.

Or maybe I'm just aching for someone to reach out to me.

Perhaps I need a goal. Something worth working for. There seems to be little motivation to restart myself and push on. Something's nagging at my heart, it feels dark. Yet what is it, I don't know. Or maybe I know, and I'm just not willing to let go. Of that thought.

Much as I have received the answer I expected, I can't seem to let go. I need to let go. Distancing myself won't work. I need to find the solution to move on.

Or maybe I need someone to push me. But strangely.. that someone doesn't exist anymore. No one strong enough.

Ah well.

Woe be the country should the president be well-liked just because he takes his time to say his hellos and goodbyes. If thats the sole criteria I think I know alot of people who would be equally well-loved presidents.

And how come the PAP is marching, but wheres the rest? Wheres my LDP, WP and the others? Aren't they all active, fervent passionate citizens who care for the country and have active political participation? Oh wait, scrap the political participation part.

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Oh and this just read in Time Tunnel.

Birth of mitochondrial Eve in Africa at 150 thousand years ago.

Birth of Y-chromosomal Adam in Africa at 60 thousand years ago.

Poor racist white bastards, having their dreams shattered they actually all orginated from being black. Aww poor people. And that Adam and Eve don't really seem to be as white as you think they are.

So before you think of cristicising our dark-skinned fellow friends, remember that you all originate from the same fucking source and they were here before you were.

So perhaps its best to stop it now before things get worse and my imagination goes awry.

If we aim for the stars, we might hit the moon, but sometimes its brings you back down to the earth, right into that fresh hole that appears to have been dug while you were aiming for the stars.

Kill the thoughts, since the source can't possibly be removed.

Cruel you say, to end something before its started. Kills your dreams.

But sometimes, it better to be realistic, get an actual hold of whats happening.

Or maybe I need to learn how to differentiate between the two.

And move on.

Yea. Just moving on.

有时是否觉得人生很寂寞，一个孤零零的？