Wow. An update. After 4 and a half months. The only reason worth writing is because of NS, other than that my life's been pretty boring.
I suppose NS is really an experience above all. As it.. promises? It's really a ritual from boys to men. More so for JC students I believe, given our relatively sheltered lives in an institute. We think we might have seen alot, but there are communities out there we've never reached before, things we've never gone through. I've learnt quite alot from being in NS, mostly positive. I try to forget the negative things. Within 9 weeks, I've learnt quite alot about myself, people and life in general. Maybe it isn't deep enough, but for 9 weeks, its good.
2LT Khairul: "Its ok to make a mistake once, but the second time you make it, its a crime. Whats the third time called? Sorry, there is no such thing as a third mistake."
Somehow that seemed to be the only quote I remember from Sir. Not that he talked much, other than his "Do you all have any questions" starter he always uses. Nevertheless, I think it's very useful advice. For much of our school life, we're allowed to make mistakes again and again, because we know our tutors will explain to us, or there just aren't any repercussions to committing it again. I'm referring to the light offences, of course. But out in the world, it is an unforgiving place, more so exemplified in the military. When you make a mistake, it not only affects you, but the people around you. A valuable lesson. And in life, making the same mistake twice could be disastrous for you. No boss would tolerate a person making the same mistake twice, no matter how 'unforgiving' it may sound. Army has taught me that life has a steep learning curve, so you better suck it up (yet another lesson learnt) and learn fast.
The rest of my commanders didn't say much, most of their encouragement came through the actions I suppose. Maybe I only remember Sir's words cause most of the time we saw him he was talking. Pity we didn't interact more, he seemed interesting.
Through the commanders (all of them) and NS, I've also learnt that the mind is indeed a powerful thing. That giving up is never a physical state, its always a mental state. Your body never gives up, its your mind that chooses to give up. You always have the choice to just stop, at any point, to just say "I give up". Its how far you carry yourself, its mental. Thats why I answer my friends, "Its both physically and mentally tiring. More so mentally" when they ask me how's NS. The body is ultimately limited by the mind (thats how hypnotism works). It really takes alot of mind to push the body. Through out this period, I've seen how my mind can push my body to limits never before seen.
It became most apparent during my 24km route march. Which I felt more than anything, was the defining moment of BMT. Strange for it to come in the last day, but it did. Because it somehow put everything we've learnt in BMT together (minus the discipline). This 24km reminded us about the sense of camaraderie instilled, taking the plunge, the willpower needed to carry on when things are tough, and finally to suck it up. And of course, the satisfaction gained from pulling through. At the end of the march, I was amazed I pull through. Ever since the 8th km, my feet had developed such sores that every step was a fresh jolt of pain. If I ever thought cycling down the ECP-Changi park connector was hell, I was merely inexperienced. The 30 mins (tops) spent cycling was nothing to the 2 hour walk down with the 20kg field pack. But through my friends encouragement, and constantly forcing myself to drag on, step by step, I managed to clear all 24km without falling out. Of that, I was proud. Though by those two things, they probably weren't enough. The fact that falling out was such a stupid option was the actual impetus for me to continue. Because I HAVE to reach to end, therefore I have to keep doing it. There just isn't any other way.
The camaraderie manifested itself in another way though. I saw the many people who tried to avoid falling sick, or praying they would recover by Friday night. Despite its obvious physical challenges, many wanted to march this 24km of hell. I believe it was because of our bonds as a team. You wanted to complete this with your team. I saw the faces of those who were forced to go home. They didn't seem too happy.
See all your lessons in one event. Ok not ALL, but what was stated.
Quote from toilet (they paste quite a few): It's the 'Start' that 'Stops' people the most.
Moving on, about people and personality. It's when times are tough that we see a person's true personality. When his energy to create a facade gone, and he only has energy left to protect himself. I refer you all to
this article written by my fellow platoon mate. And to summarise it, since most of my readers are girls and may not understand what it means, I think the one line inside encompasses the meaning quite well.
"We will remember field camp, because we saw the scum in each of us on day one, and the brothers we became on day five."
Indeed, the scum we were. Through NS, most poignantly during the five days of field camp, we saw how we and other people reacted to situations thrown at us when least expected, when we were down in the dumps, and we were physically and mentally drained. Most importantly, the difference in reaction between the energetic self and the tired self. Personally, I was quite disappointed with how I acted. It led me to question, "So this is what I actually do, deep deep down. Are my values right? Have I been mistaken about what I stand for?". While some may argue that our processes are down when we are tired (which is valid point), I argue, is there not a need to change ourselves accordingly? Do we not respect someone who is true to himself even when in tight corners, even when pushed to the limits?
I certainly hoped I've worked to changed myself in such situations. To be more aware and caring of those around me even when I'm done. Because the world doesn't revolve around you. And if anything, when people are down they need someone who is alive to push them. I'm not saying I'm great, but I think it would be good if I could muster the energy and courage even in tough times to continue pushing my team.
More things about myself, but they seem hard to word out. But generally, NS has been a good time for me to learn about my values, and definitely a good chance for me to rectify my flaws.
Which somehow brings me yet to another
article written by my platoon mate, this time about character and leadership. While I agree that NS is a 'pocket universe', there are nevertheless things that can be brought. For the largest part, I disagree about the last two to three paragraphs.
Many reasons, the first being that such malleability is needed, because different context requires different styles of leadership. Why a weak person is written off, is because the military demands people who are both physically and mentally able. To shorten a quote from CPT Michael, there is no point in an army leader if he cannot do any one of the things a soldier is suppose to do. Otherwise, he would be useless. So do not blame them for writing the person off, because it's true that some people just do not have the qualities for being a military leader. There's nothing wrong with that, just move on. People have different roles in life.
Secondly, the fact is that life is harsh, and what you do under the radar does not count. Even if you are the smartest person in the world, if you don't show it, you are not.
Thirdly, whilst it is true that after NS it is a relatively level playing field, there are somethings that have changed. Because as mentioned before, NS does teach you life lessons that are useful. Having gone through a command course and a command post teaches a person valuable lessons in handling adversity and pushing one selves in times. For JC students who have only mingled in our kind, we do not understand the lives of others, simply because we have no life experience. Don't think too highly of ourselves. High IQ but no EQ and AQ means you're just as, if not even more useless. Yes that's it, experience. I believe that NS can give you the experience needed to live on in life. The different PES status aside, I think it would be interesting to see how many successful leaders in Singapore were commanders back in NS, assuming they were physically eligible then. Respect isn't the badges, but it can be gained when others see how you can overcome adversity easily while pulling other people along with you. The person who is 'blur', who's not to say that he won't be as blur when he's handling your documents or an important task? Would you want this kind of person, who can even misplace his own boots, and cannot understand the meaning of punctuality?
Therefore, to say that NS is completely irrelevant to our lives is false. What we learn in NS can be brought to real life. Perhaps it is just my naive view, but I still feel strongly. I want a leader who has the mental strength to handle adversity under various pressures. Even when he is tired, he must still push on. Why? A leader is the main pillar of an organisation. If he falls one cm, the rest will fall all the way.
Having said so much (probably my longest post ever, too lazy to check, but I did take an hour plus to right this), I might seem like I'm selling NS. Well, yes, but I'm not saying I love it. I really miss my civilian life. I highly doubt a military life is for me. I need my own comfy clean bed and shower. I shy away from shouting at people.
A few days ago, my classmate (a girl) asked me. Do you want to serve NS again? The NSFs in my class gave mixed responses. The thing for me is that army is both relevant and irrelevant. I've probably explained the relevant in great detail. The irrelevancy comes in in its attempt to train soldiers, train people patriotic and willing to die for the country.
Sometimes its trainings are questionable and don't seem to fully prepare for the context of a real war. The drills they make us do. In real war, if an enemy was really in front of me, would I bother to go through all the drills, or just go straight for the kill to defend myself? Maybe it's really just the basic that we're going through.
And the point on patriotism. Patriotism, in this day and age, is harder and harder to come by. Even some commanders agree it is lofty ambition. They never tell us to defend our country, it's always our loved ones. Whenever they give us a questionnaire asking "Are you willing to risk your life for your country", I have no choice but to put neutral. Our family is one thing, but our country is a much bigger issue. As 18-20 year olds, just how willing would we be to risk our lives for our country? Admit it. Ultimately, we are selfish creatures, its just how big our "self" is. Even as our commanders lecture us about this, I wonder how much do they actually believe it in. I'll know in 2 years. But there's reason to believe that they are just going through the motion, seeing how many are eager to get out of NS. It's alot to ask out of a person, who has no career, no family depending on him, still immature, to take up the task of defending the country.
To go through NS for its life lessons, yes. That might change a few years down, but this is my answer for now. To defend my nation? For now that isn't really my concern. Forgive me, I'm merely 18. I've yet to experience any major death or tragedy, there are things that only come with woeful experiences, it's all part of growing up. We can't always gain lessons from listening to others, sometimes they just don't sink.
